Greetings from Prague!

Yello, e'erbody!

Y'know, I don't think that this blogging thing is working. Maybe I'll start a new one. That could work. Of course, that could end up neglected like this one, but I digress.

Anyway, hello from Prague, Czechia. I arrived just a short 4 months ago, and I'm loving it. I have another month and a half, so my trip is mostly over. A little bit late, but hey....

A travel blog. That would've been great, if I'd done it from the beginning. Oh well.

I would love to tell y'all about my time here, but....
I have a final exam on Thursday that I need to study real hard for.
Computer Architectures. It's rough.

Maybe some other time.

Catch y'all later.

T-WAC

On the Similarities between my Love Life and the Gobi Desert

I realized that, as of November 26th, I have officially been single for four years. I acknowledge that a good many of my friends would cringe at the very thought spending that length of time "alone," but that's where I am. And it's not horrible. Well, the being single bit isn't the hard part. The hard part... that's what this post is about.

Just because I haven't had a girlfriend doesn't mean I haven't developed feelings for people (though, I will admit, I did not have feelings for anyone for a good two of the years). And maybe it's a skill I've developed over the years. Maybe I'm born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline. Whatever the cause, I have a very keen intuition when it comes to sniffing out romantic partners, and that has been the reason for my singleness. Seriously, I will know whether we will work out anywhere from right away to three days after we meet/start talking. Or actually, let me rephrase that; I'll know all of the reasons we won't work out within that time.
Don't get me wrong, it's great for avoiding potentially dangerous situations (I didn't listen to it once, and that became the source of most of the depressing posts that happened a few years back), but dang, is it OBNOXIOUS! Especially when I think I'm not going to be single anymore for the first time in years.

The source of this post is from that following frustration when my intuition tells me something that I just can't ignore.
Here's a little sample of the diologue:

Me: "Oh my gosh, I get jitters every time I think about her. We have so much in common, and she's Catholic, and oh my gosh, I think she might like me too and-"
Intuition: *ahem*
Me: "...pardon?"
Intuition: "Run."
Me: "What?"
Intuition: "Run. She's crazy."
Me: "I don't know what you're talking about. She's such an amazing person. We have so much in common!"
Intuition: "Doesn't matter. She's crazy. She'll wreck you. You're digging yourself into a deep hole, buddy."
Me: ".....You're crazy! I can't believe you'd say-"
Intuition: "SEARCH YOUR FEELINGS, YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE!"
Me: ".... No... That's... THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! NOOO!!"
Me: *Let's go of ledge*
Me: *Falls and screams about missing hand*

Seriously, though. It's a bummer. That was a bit of an extreme case, though. The cases I run into now are a bit more benign.

Me: "Wow, she's hilarious, she's fun to talk to, she's really cute, and super outgoing! And she's Catholic too! And she practices! This is awesome, I think I might ask her out-"
Intuition; "Hey!"
Me: "...Yeah?"
Intuition: "Hey! Listen!"
Me: "...."
Intuition: "She's not for you."
Me: "What?"
Intuition: "She's not for you."
Me: "But we've hit it off so well! She seems-"
Intuition: "Controlling? Yes. Respect issues? Yes."
Me: "....I've known her for a week."
Intuition: "Yeah, pretty scary, right, that I'd know that already? You'd best sit back and let this one go."
Me: "....Well we could work it out. We could make it work, right?"
Intuition: "That is true. But is it really what you want? Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with her?"
Me: "....Well, I'm not going to think that far ahead yet. We don't know each other yet, we'll just be dating!"
Intuition: "....Yeah. Just dating. And remind me why you date again?"
Me: "To find your future spouse....."
Intuition: "And what'll your answer be when that question comes up?"
Me: ".....Y'know, I really hate you."
Intuition: "You're welcome."



So yeah. There's a reason that I'm single. And there's a reason that I compare my intuition to Navi (for those of you who got that reference).

Despite the fact that I really hate it sometimes and just wish I could date people like a normal person, it has saved me a crapton of heartache. It's not the hero I want, but it's the hero I deserve. It'll be the one sitting back and smiling when I finally do meet "the one" if she is out there. It's kind of like the "Dark Knight" in my life.
It holds me accountable to myself, my values, and my desires in a relationship.

Just for the record, I wanna take some time to discuss what I'm waiting for, what I'm praying for.
I want a woman who:

• Is a woman (might as well start with the basics, right?)
• Is in control of her life
• Can clean up after her own messes (doesn't expect me to "deal with" or "accommodate" for her issues)
• Is self-confident
• Inspires me to be a better man
• Admires and respects me
• Can take care of herself
• Trusts me to take care of myself
• Is in love with the Lord
• Is loyal to her values
• Trusts me as a competent leader
• Identifies me not as a collection of issues and insecurities, but as the strength that I use every day to fight for a better life

It's a bit of a tall order for sure.

But I know what less than that looks like.

I have divorced parents. My family has had a less than glorious track record when it comes to relationships in general, much less romantic ones.

I have seen very little in my lifetime to suggest that anything good comes of romantic relationships at all.

But that being said, I will break that chain.

I will not settle.

I will not swallow my doubts and just "go with it" because it's what is "normal."

I will not run and hide. I will fight.

I know what I deserve. I know what my children deserve. I know what my parents deserve, and nowhere in that is watching me repeat the same mistakes that have harmed us for generations.

So, to return to my initial point, yes, I do hate my intuition sometimes. Yes, I do hate the fact that I can't just have a girlfriend. But at the same time, it is what will carry me past my family's failures and into not only healthier romantic relationships, but healthier friendships as well.

Forget will, it already has. It's a journey, but I've been consistently getting stronger, and though I'm not there yet, I'm closer than I was yesterday, and that's all that matters.

So, all of you who come from bad situations: Just because the cards are stacked against you doesn't mean that you can't stand up and fight for a better world. It means the fight is harder, but it also means that you are stronger for choosing to fight. It means you will fall down, you will fall back into old patterns, but you will learn from that and you will get up, and you'll drag yourself a little farther towards your goal. You will slowly start to see the chains of the past loosing their hold, and you will look back and marvel at how far you have come.

Hold on to hope. Hold on to faith.

You will make it.

That's all. :)

T-WAC

A Necessary Update on my Love Life

Hello all,

So, in the event of going to a new school, and having a new start to everything, what is on your list of priorities? Or actually, cutting to the chase here, how high is finding a significant other on that list?
I'll admit, while finding a girlfriend at my new school wasn't extremely high on my list of things to do, it was definitely a much higher priority than I'd care to admit.
And, well, I did fall for someone, for a short time at least.

A little bit of background info: I'm not the kind of guy who'll fall for someone at the drop of a hat.
And from 2012 until the beginning of the fall semester 2015, I was practically asexual. Well, sort of. I didn't really develop feelings for anyone. Or really pay much attention to anyone's attractiveness.
If I do by chance fall for someone, my face meets the pavement faster than a Nascar driver on cocaine.

But, anyway, I did end up falling for someone at school.
And I wanted to ask her out. I really did. But I didn't.
After talking with her and getting to know her (and her nuances and expectations), I was fairly upset at the fact that our expectations for relationships didn't really align.
And it kinda sucks when you literally haven't dated for three years (closer to four now), you find someone you like, and then realize that you two not only wouldn't be compatible in a romantic relationship, but would be less than tolerant of each other in a romantic relationship. We'd fight. And not just a little bit.

So, at this point of my life, I did the one thing that made sense to me: I prayed about it.
And through that, God pointed out something that's been a problem for quite some time, I just hadn't been fully aware of it.
As a perfectionist by birth, I strive for self-improvement always. I always have to be a better person, always have to grow in some way, always have to become closer to that ideal of perfection.
That's not all perfectionism is, by the way. It's just the part that's really applicable. If you want a description of perfectionism, I'd gladly give you that in another post. But I'll just say that it is a very heavy cross to bear, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
Anyway, I realized that much of my self-improvement was to the end of being able to hold up a stable, happy romantic relationship. I wasn't improving myself for the sake of making myself a better person, being a better servant of God, etc.; I was improving myself for someone else. My future was dependent on another person, rather than on my own happiness and on my relationship with God. And that doesn't fly.

So, that was less than thrilling news for me. And then came the question: what do I do with that knowledge?
The answer was simple: I was to live as if I had been called to chastity.
I was not to look for a girlfriend.
I was not to think about finding one.
I was not to do anything to try to become a better person for the sake of one.
I was to trust God and let him work in my life.
I was to focus on taking care of myself.
I was to remedy the deficits in my own social life (working too much killed it, and I've been trying to resurrect it since).
And if someone happens to walk into my life, and I have a really good connection with them, I was to LET IT HAPPEN.
Very straightforward, very simple.

Like when I took the forever alone challenge a few years back, I have found a great deal of peace from this. It's really cool to be able to be unencumbered by the pressure of finding someone to commit a great deal to emotionally, when the relationship may or may not lead to fruition.

So, as of now, I'm single. And I'm okay with that. I do still want a girlfriend, I do still want to get married, but firstly, I want to deepen my relationship with God. My faith is the only place I've been able to find unconditional and true happiness and peace, and if I worship a God who does that, why wouldn't I spend every bit of energy I have developing a relationship with him? To fall deeper in love with the Lord is my greatest desire right now, and because of that, I'm willing to wait for whatever he has in store for me.

Anyway, that's all.

Catch you later!

T-WAC

Status Report!

Yo, all.

Figured I'd say hi.
Haven't had a lot of chances to post lately, since this semester has been doing everything in its power to kick  my, erm, posterior.
I am currently running on less than six hours of sleep (most people's less than four), and I'm enjoying Nightwish's new album, "Endless Forms Most Beautiful" (which is pretty amazing).

I have to do a lot of research and finish a prelab for tomorrow, and I really don't want to do that.
So I'm taking a brief break here.

Like I said, this semester's been kicking my rear end in. It's not fun. I've seriously jacked up my credit load, and I'm paying for it. I mean, the material's interesting, but it's just sooooo much work.
You know that it's going to be a harsh semester when the first thing you hear when walking into your first class is, and I quote, "You guys are going to have a six to twelve-page reflection essay due on what's talked about today -- but don't be verbose."
Yes. This was legitimately the first thing he said to us.
Fortunately, those are over now. I'm currently researching the plausibility of creating a plastic refinery in Haiti to take care of their plastic problems, as well as to spur the economy, but I'm not even sure if the idea is plausible. Oh well. I'll figure it out.

Despite that, life at my new school is pretty good. It took a while to assimilate into the honors community, since most of them already lived together in another building, but I've managed. I might be rooming with one of my friends next semester, which would be pretty cool. I've become involved with the Catholic Student Union there, and that's absolutely fantastic. It feels so great to not be alone in my beliefs, y'know?
People really don't encourage the practice of or dedication to the Catholic faith that much, and it's so great to meet people outside my family who actually support that.
It's really helped me get closer to God, and I really feel a lot more love in my life, and that's really beautiful.

Computer Engineering is also pretty cool.
My grandfather was one of the first computer engineers, and has been programming and building computers for years. It's so funny that I'm following in his footsteps. I'm actually really honored. He is a brilliant man. I mean, if you build an organ during your leisure time, you've gotta be a pretty cool person.

Aside from that, I've got a lot of personal growth going on right now. Once again, the winds of change are blowing. It's a bit tumultuous, but it's going to be worth it.
I've had a lot of realizations of who I am, what I've been portraying myself as, and how much I've been putting up with.
I've realized how much I value respect, and how much that will be, and has been, the make-or-break issue in my relationships.
I've had to let people go, I've had to stand up to people, I've learned to be a braver person, and I'm learning how to stop giving a crap about what people think about me and my point of view. Quite frankly, the people who don't respect it or tolerate it are not worth my time.
I'm learning exactly how important it is to never settle for anything less that what you deserve.
It's reasonably difficult, but it's going to make my life much better.
But, for those of you who are so inclined, I would really appreciate prayers.
I am becoming the man I will be for the rest of my life, and I need all of the support I can get.


Well, that's all for today.
Got to get back to my homework.

See y'all later,

T-WAC

New Desktop

Hello all,

Got a new desktop for Christmas, and decided to post on my blog. Hi. How are you guys?
I'm just installing my recording software so that maybe I can get some of my material out there, and actually get some production practice. I've only got two condenser mics, but hey, I'll figure something out.

So, I'm living at my dad's house now. I have my own room for the first time since I was three, and I'm turning it into a recording studio, complete with a desktop computer, a Korg Krome, and an amp, as well as some other equipment I have yet to transport from Mom's house.

I'll talk a little more later. As of now, it is late, and I've gotta get up early for work tomorrow.

G'night,

T-WAC

Bored/ADD rant

Hello.

This is T-WAC. And T-WAC is bored.

My roommates aren't home. I can't take karate because none of my gym shorts are clean (they need you to wear gym shorts at the gym because they're stupid).

It is literally a freaking ghost town in my building. Meh. E'rbody's probably at the hockey game. I don't care for hockey. I'm going home tomorrow. That'll be fun.

I AM SO FREAKING BORED.

Where my homies at?

Meh. Meh again.

I'm liking college life, for the most part. Well, except for when my roommates aren't home. And I'm bored. Blech.

This is what my brain sounds like when I'm a) sleep-deprived and b) bored.

Some of my floor mates are trying to get a basketball game and it's not working. One of them is about to call the TV company.

Well, actually, I take back my previous statement. When I'm sleep-deprived, I start to lose my internal filter and say whatever happens in my brain, regardless of how crazy/offensive it is.

I played Mario around midnight last night, and some things came out of my mouth that I hadn't ever thought I would hear.

Anyway, I should probably get back to not doing my homework and being bored.

See y'all,

T-WAC

A good life: it's real, folks!

So, I'm procrastinating on my lab report. While procrastinating on my lab report, I decided to look back on old posts.

I literally want to cry and hug my 17-18-year-old self and give him chocolate. Because he, like me, loves chocolate.

The posts are so depressing, though. I mean, I am only twenty, but it frightens me to realize exactly where I was only two years ago.

And then I think of where I am now. I'm a pretty happy person. I'm motivated, I'm upbeat, and I'm starting to really enjoy life. I mean, yeah, there are sucky elements to it, but y'know, it's part of the human experience, right?

Live 'n learn, dontcha know.

But seeing my old posts really motivated me to say something:

I know that people who are in dark times -- people who are where I was -- often believe that things don't get better. And I want you to know that they do. How do I know? Because I've been there. I've been there, I've gotten up, and I've kept fighting.

I'm not gonna say getting better is easy, 'cause it's not. I know that. It took me three years to get to where I am today. Three years to recover from ONE thing that dragged me down.

But I'm doing astronomically better now. I wanna tell y'all that it is possible. There is always a better life out there. There is always love.

So get up, keep fighting, keep believing. You're not alone. You have the strength to do this, I promise.

That's all.

God Bless,

T-WAC

A Quote To End The Night

"I've finally found my way, say goodbye to yesterday, hit the gas, there ain't no brakes on this lost highway. Yeah, I'm bustin' loose, I'm lettin' go, out on this open road. It's Independence Day on this lost highway." -- Bon Jovi

T-WAC

College Life Series: First Few Week Check-In, and A Sick Sense of Humour

Hello again.
So, I'm home for a weekend, which is nice.

College has been pretty good. I've been having a pretty good time. Classes have been tough, but so far, it's been nothing a few hours of hardcore studying haven't been able to fix. So far, it hasn't been any harder than my community college. It's great to see that those three years actually prepared me for full college study.

So how has living away from home been?
Great!
I've gotten to know my suite mates a lot better over the first few weeks, and I have to say, I get along pretty well with all of them.
Well, actually, remember the one who hadn't shown up the last time I posted? Yeah. I've only seen him twice. But he seems nice. If he was there more often, I'd probably get along with him pretty well.
It's pretty funny, I'm not a morning person, but I still get up earlier than all of them. It's so amusing because one of them has two alarms and sleeps through both, so I get up in the morning and leave my room and consistently hear an obnoxious EEEEK EEEEK EEEEK EEEEK coming from the room adgecent to mine. Further, my roommate has two alarms (which both sound very pretty and calming, yet are obnoxious enough to warrant a stagger out of bed) that will go off simultaniously at precisely seven AM. As I brush my teeth, brush my hair, and shave, I get to hear a lovely medley of soft harp strings, birds chirping, light piano, and EEEEK EEEEK EEEEK EEEEK. It's quite amusing.

By the by, has anyone ever played Cards Against Humanity?
If not, picture Apples to Apples, but the cards are written by twelve-year-old antireligious asylum patients with serious parent issues.
Got a good picture? Great. Now picture something three times worse than that, and you have Cards Against Humanity.
For those of you who have read my blog for a while, you see that I'm pretty polite.
And that's what my suite mates thought about me.
And then we played Cards.
.....
To make a long story short, one of them told me that, out of all of the people who he expected to have a sick a sense of humor as I did the way I played, he would have put me on the bottom of that list.
I will not include some of the cards that I put down, but, if you've played, think of the worst combinations possible (excepting the religious ones -- too offensive for my tastes). Chances are, I played one of them.
But I come by the sense of humor honestly.
My mothers' side is infamous for their affinity towards the darker, sicker side.
My Uncle Andrew showed me "Raging Rudolph" when I was eight (basically, a gangster version of the beloved Christmas special) and I was scarred for life.

If any of you are interested in learning about my sense of humour, I'd advise you watch this video. It should give you a good understanding.

If you like it, watch all six. Five was the only one I didn't particularly care for. But they're a minute and a half each, so it's not too bad.

That's all for now, folks!
See y'all later.
T-WAC

Move-in day

So, after years of community college, a graduation, and a long summer of work, move-in day finally arrived. I am typing this from my iPod in my new dorm room. And I have to say, so far, it's been pretty suite.

Har har har.

But seriously though. It's a suite.

And it's pretty cool.

Today was pretty crazy, I have to say.

Move-ins began early, so early was when I had to arise, and due to the unexpectedly long time it took to pack and the fact that I visited a friend at his graduation party, I did not get to bed until late.

Anyway, after finishing up packing, Mom, Banana, Patar, and I all left for my university.

The drive was pretty uneventful, and soon we got to what was going to be my home for the next nine months.

After unloading my stuff, and after literally running across town to get my student ID (a necessity which my orientation leaders failed to supply) we were moving in.

Now, since I had to pack that morning, we had left a little earlier than planned. I expected all of my roommates to be there already, but surprisingly, none had showed up yet (the first one showed up probably three or four hours later).

Thus, I had first pick when it came to my bedding area, which was nice. Setting stuff up in a neat and orderly fashion was relatively easy.

My roommates are all pretty chill, which is a cool thing.

Unfortunately, I'm a transfer student living in an upperclass dorm, so most people there know each other already.

But I've met some cool people anyway.

To be honest, it is a little scary going into a completely new situation. But hey, life isn't interesting if you don't throw yourself out into the water every once in a while, no?

Besides, they have a Catholic student union, and I know one of the members already, so that's cool.

It'll be good to meet people who share my faith.

Anyway, right now I'm chilling in my room. There's a baseball game going on nearby and I can hear the announcer loud and clear through my open window. It's kind of annoying, but whatever. I can live with it.

My roommates are gone, except one who's watching YouTube videos in the next room.

One of my roommates has yet to show. It's pretty funny actually.

Ah, life is interesting.

Don't know what awaits me tomorrow, but I have to say, I am certainly looking forward to it.

It's cool to be living away from home anyway. I'm really looking forward to the club fair. Hopefully I'll join some vocal ensembles and some good clubs, maybe a frat... I dunno.

Anyway, I just installed a blogger app on my iPod, so I'll probably be posting more often.

Hasta luego!

T-WAC

P.S. this is my room. Pretty not bad, and it makes me feel pretty cool to know that I'm a heck of a lot more organized than my roommate, LOL.

My Childhood Gems: Why I'm So Messed Up

When we look back at our early childhood, I'm sure we all have things we remember.

Perhaps we would wake up at the crack of dawn and play with our siblings (if we had any) and toys until 7:00 AM, when we would watch "Clifford The Big Red Dog" or "Dragon Tails" or "Arthur" on the PBS station, until Mom and Dad got up, at which point we would eat breakfast and maybe play outside afterwards.

Yeah, I bet that sounds pretty typical, pretty run-of-the-mill for the most of you. And I can't say my early childhood was very different. However, there were some things. A few things that most of us... well, most of us didn't have. I have compiled a list of my "Childhood Gems" here, the reasons I have a sick sense of humour and some rather... odd... tastes.

Ahem.

Gem No. 1: Combo Number Five

Now let me tell you something about my family. We've never been particularly apt in the social appropriateness department, least of all in the subdepartment of social appropriateness known as political correctness.

My grandmother on my mother's side is the prime example of this, as she could be in many ways what would now be termed as racist (she would do things such as squinting her eyes in an exaggerated fashion and immitating the man who took our order at the Chinese food place. "Oh, ya, you get awon large gen'el tso chicken? And two eggroll?").

Not that my grandmother ever saw the Chinese as anything less than anyone else. In her defense, she simply found the Chinese accent funny. Not that I believe that making fun of those of any race is in any way beneficial to society. But anyway.

My father had a video on his computer, a Chinese food parody of "Mambo Number Five" by some artist whose name I do not remember. My siblings and I would watch it and laugh hysterically.

Here it is:

Gem No. 2: WASSUPPP?!

Anyone remember the old Budweiser commercials? Yeah, those frequented my childhood. Dad has a number of strange interests, one of which is commercials. Here are a few of them.

...And naturally, people took this and made their own videos. I remember seeing this one as a kid all the time.

Funny thing is, I'm still laughing just as hard, if not harder, than I did when I was a kid.

Gem No. 3: Tank Girl

So, what music did ya'll listen to as kids? "Mary Had A Little Lamb"?

I have to say, I had my share of nursery rhymes. However, there were some other things there as well. My parents both loved a really campy and absurdly ridiculous movie from the '90s called "Tank Girl."

And, until Banana and I started singing the lyrics, the songs from the soundtrack frequented our ears.

I've posted a few of these before, but here are some of the examples:

Please note, Banana could not WOULDN'T go to sleep unless my mother blasted "Shove" and literally ran across the room with her back and forth.

And finally, the one that caused my parents to stop playing the soundtrack altogether when we started repeating lyrics.

Gem No. 4: Elfbowling

My parents have a very odd sense of humour, to say the least. Occasionally, as a child, I would walk in on one of my parents playing a game called "Elfbowling." In this game, you played as Santa, bowling down elves on strike at the end of a lane.

Pretty harmless. At least, until the elves started moving and/or taunting you.

"Fewer Toys! Higher Wages!"

"Gutterball..."

"Is that all the balls you got, Santa?"

My personal favorite was an elf saying "Hey, Santa," followed by all of them turning around in unison and pulling down their pants.

I think I got to play it once or twice.

As for the sequel, which was a shuffleboard match between Santa and his South Pole brother, and involved elves in thongs, on the other hand....

I said the Gems were messed up, not traumatizing.

These are the major ones, as these are the ones that I experienced at the earliest age.

This will probably be followed by a sequel, with other, later gems. I look forward to that.
As of now, I can barely keep my eyes open, much less look back at my childhood.

G'night all,
T-WAC

My Recording Equipment is Out To Ruin My Dream of Being a Big-Shot Producer

I am very upset with my recording equipment right now.
For some odd reason, my audio track refuses to record.
I don't know what's up and have been trying to fix it for quite a while, and it's still not working. I mean, I connected all of the busses and stuff, the input busses and output busses are connected, the signal is going through the hardware to the software. It just won't arm for record.

I'm convinced that my equipment is out to ruin any experience I might attain independently.
Needless to say, I am more than a little bit irate.

I mean, come on. I just want to record a freakin' EP so I can get my music out there and test my production skills. Is that too much to ask?
Sigh....

I guess I'll just drown my sorrows in Anette Olzon's new album, and then it's on to Tuomas Holopainen's.
Scratch that, Tuomas Holopainen's it is.

Hey, this is pretty good.

Anyway, I've been thinking of possible titles for my new EP (or full-length album, I have enough songs in the works).
I was initially thinking of a purely piano and vocals EP, which I would call "I Left my Keys in the House" (hahaha), but then I realized that I actually have more instruments available to me. And half of my songs don't have piano anyway.

And speaking of such things...
I'm buying a new keyboard.
Yes, I am. I am making a major purchase right before I go off to my new college (did I forget to mention I now have an Associate's in Engineering?).

Before you judge me on this "foolish" decision, let's look at the facts here:
1. I have been saving up birthday money since I was 15, and much of this was given to me with the intention that I use it on something I want. I can officially pay for most of the keyboard out of that.
2. I have wanted to make my career professional for a while, and have been limited (in part) by equipment. This will eliminate that limitation.
3. This keyboard is good enough that I will not want or need to upgrade for a long time. Even though I could buy a decent workstation for half the price of this one, I want something that I'll use for a long time. I want to use this thing for the next ten years at least. Sooooo, it's worth the price.
4. A guy can follow his dreams, can't he?

Sooo, I didn't go terribly off topic, did I.
The heck with recording equipment. I quit. At least, for today.... I'll be back at it tomorrow.

For those of you who want to see her, here she is: the Korg Krome, 88 Keys.
http://www.korg.com/us/products/synthesizers/krome/

See y'all later,

T-WAC

Why sleep is a good thing

Good news and bad news.

Good news: I've been getting up earlier! My goal is complete!

Bad news: I haven't been going to bed earlier.

This combination leads to sleep-deprived-ness.

Sleep-deprived-ness is not fun for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that I CAN'T FREAKING SING. Seriously, your voice needs rest too. It is soooo hard to sing when you're sleep deprived. It sucks.

And what am I doing to change this state? I'm blogging. Hooray.

Well, not just blogging.

Listening to my Uncle's album, which is awesome.

Getting into a long pun war on Facebook with one of my friends.

I have a bunch of drafts getting ready to be published here.

I should totally publish them sometime.

....yeah, I'm pretty tired.

I need to sleep now.

G'night all.

T-WAC

Realization

I just realized that pretty much none of my followers are blogging anymore.

That is all.

T-WAC

And about that talent show I mentioned three posts back....

Oh, quick post here.

Remember how I tried out and got into my school's talent competition?

I tied for third.
It's not first, but it establishes me as an artist.
And gives me a decent amount of prize money.

That is all.

T-WAC

The Inverse Proportionality Relationship between Coffee and Social Awkwardness

Interesting title, what?
Well, prepare for a mildly interesting story.

I am Catholic.
I think you all know that, but I figured I'd just say it again.
I am Catholic.
Because of my Catholic-ness, I am involved with a church that is involved with the Knights of Coloumbus, I Catholic mens' organization. And every once in a while, they sponsor a fundraising event.
Very recently, a dear friend of mine brought it to my attention that there was going to be a fundraising event going on, and encouraged me to go. The basic concept of the event was Horse-Racing. We would bet money on wood horses, whose movement would be determined by the role of the dice.
Not wanting to pass up a chance at something fun (and also not wanting to pass up a chance to hang out with said friend, who is usually off at college), I decided to give it a go.

So, the day finally came. After coming home from the morning's college visit (which was absolutely fabulous), I retrieved my ticket to the fundraiser and left.
Now, when I got there, my friend, whose father is deeply involved in the Knights of Colombus, was busily writing down raffle-ticket numbers and names on a sheet of paper.
The line was long, and she was incredibly busy, so I decided I'd walk around a bit.
There's a downside to church functions in my state; the vast majority of people who attend are at least twenty years older than I am, as the vast majority of our parish youth won't touch anything involving the church with a 39.5 foot pole.
So, yeah, I talked to some of the people I knew for a while, and it was cool, but there's only so much you can talk about with people who are twenty years older than you are.
Things became awkward. Very quickly.
So, I found myself standing alone near the coffee table.

Let's visualize, for a brief moment. There's a large social gathering, everyone's drinking an alchoholic beverage, talking to someone, laughing, having a good time. And then, in the corner, near the coffee table, there's a kid who's twenty years younger than everyone else, just standing there, not talking to anyone.

If that's not awkward, I don't know what is.

I don't particularly like awkwardness, so I frantically searched my brain for a way to appear less awkward. I wasn't sure what to do until I realized I was near the coffee table. Now, for those of you who don't know me, there is nothing I hate more than coffee. Except maybe oatmeal. Or bigotry. Or senseless violence.

Boy, that escalated quickly....

Anyway, back to the story. I loathe coffee. But I suddenly realized.... Someone who is twenty years younger than everyone else in the room standing in the corner twiddling his thumbs is extremely awkward, but someone who is twenty years younger than everyone else in the room standing in the corner sipping on a beverage is substantially less awkward.
I didn't like that idea. But it didn't look like my friend would be done with the raffle tickets anytime soon. So I decided to give it a go.
I grabbed a white styrofoam cup and poured in the steaming puce-colored liquid.
I looked at it hesitantly. Perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps I would like it. Perhaps I should give coffee a second chance.
I took a sip. The bitter taste flooded my mouth as I realized that, no, I was definitely right with my initial appraisal of coffee. The stuff was disgusting.
But still. It was better than standing around awkwardly.
I took another sip.

But wait. What do people do with their coffee when it's too bitter? The realization hit me: I needed SUGAR. And cream. But I needed SUGAR.
I grabbed a packet and dumped it in.
The result was a deceptively sweet mixture with a bitter aftertaste.
Meh. It was still better than looking awkward.

Anyway, soon enough, my friend got finished with her work, and we enjoyed the rest of the night. I gambled away $24 and won $8, so I didn't really make a profit, but hey. It was for a good cause.
Besides, there was only a 16.66666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666.....% chance of actually winning something. Yes. I calculated. With long division. In my head, thank you very much.

But anyway.

I am currently half-asleep. I wanted to write this, and could have probably done a much better job if I wrote it while I was not half-asleep, but hey. Whatev.

School's almost over. I've almost graduated with an Associate's in Science. I'm experiencing the worst case of senioritis. And I'm not even a senior.

Oh well.

Goodnight everyone.

T-WAC

On giving a girl flowers

It has come to my attention that a widespread romantic custom for a man is to give flowers to the woman of his affection.
I will admit, it is a beautiful gesture, as flowers are [expletive] expensive these days.

It is also, however, a completely fatalistic gesture.

Ask me why.

Well, let's look at this scenario:
A guy shyly walks up to a girl's front door and rings the doorbell.
When she opens, he presents her with flowers, and, after elaborating on his feelings for her, he asks her out and she, brimming with joy, agrees.
Now let's look at the message that is actually being sent here:

"Hey, I wanted to tell you that I really love you, and, as a symbol of our love, I present you with this bouquet of flowers. Now, you'll take the bouquet in and put it in a vase of some kind, and then fill said vase with water, and you'll take care of the flowers, and you'll marvel at their beauty each day. Every morning, you'll fill the vase with new water to make sure the flowers will continue to flourish and bloom, and every night before you go to bed, you'll see them on your windowsill, and you'll smile. Unfortunately, however, the bouquet of flowers will inevitably begin to die, and despite your best attempts to nourish it, take care of it, and make it continue to flourish, it will slowly lose its color, bend, wither and finally decay. Just like our love."

You see my point now.
An alternative to this is plastic flowers.
But again, that bears another fatalistic message:

"Hey, I wanted to tell you that I really love you, and, as a symbol of our love, I present you with this plastic rose. This is nearly identical to a real one, and it will never die. You won't need to nourish it or keep it alive; you can set it in a vase on your dresser and see it whenever you please. You'll smile each time you'll see it, and your heart will warm a little, as you try to convince yourself that it really is beautiful, even though, deep within your heart, you know that it would only be truly beautiful if it were real. Just like our love."

I don't know how I think things like this up either.

I intend to give a girl a seed.
She'll probably ask why, and I'll elaborate that this is where we begin. We start with something simple and small, and if we decide it's worth working for, we'll nourish it together. If it goes farther, it'll grow into something large and something beautiful, and, eventually, will bear fruit. Winters may come, and the plant may lose its leaves, but, if we continue to nourish it, care for it, and treasure it, even when it doesn't look beautiful anymore, it will grow back with even greater beauty, and will bear even greater fruit.

Not something I'd give to someone I was just asking out, as the message goes a lot deeper than is appropriate for two people who don't know each other as well.

I think it's what I'll give my wife on her wedding day. If I am getting married, at least. Maybe I'll start growing a tree and I'll cut off one of its branches and weave it into a ring for her. Maybe that would mean more than just rocks and stones in metal. I wonder if there's a way to petrify wood, though, so it would never decay, and I'd be able to make her a permanent wedding ring....

I dunno. Food for thought, I guess.

G'night all.

T-WAC

New Hair!

So, because I obviously don't have a 7-page draft due on next Tuesday and am very much secure in my topic of research, I've decided to post on my blog.

He said, a rancidly dry tone in his voice.

I've decided to post about something new I did this year.

But first, remember, back on New Years in 2013, when I talked about how 2013 was gonna be a year of change, excitement?
Yeeeeaaaaaahhhhhh, no.
In any way, shape, or form.
2013 had a lot of crazy crap that went on, which ended with my parents both deciding to live in separate houses for an indefinite (and probably permanent) period of time.
Hooray.
But not really.
It totally sucks beyond belief.

But I digress.
2013 was a year of living with sucky circumstances. It was tough.
But 2014, on the other hand....
That's turning out quite well as the year of change. So what if it's a year late, right? I'm liking this.
One of the things to change is my hair.

That's right.
My hair.
Both head and beard.
Now, for those of you who know me well, or have known me for a long time, this comes as quite a shock. Since I was 11 or 12, I have grown my hair long. I have also had a long beard.
Well, as of now, the beard is trimmed and the hair is.... Well, very trimmed.
Here's a pic.

I look a lot different now. And y'know what? I like it.
In spite of the fact that I have the hair equivalent of phantom limb pain, and will impulsively reach up and feel the back of my head where my ponytail used to be and wonder why it's not there, and every night will reach up to take the elastic out of my hair and suddenly realize with shock and awe thinking "oh my gosh, where is it? It's... it's not there... it's gone."
This has been happening for a week now.
Moral of this story: don't have the same hair for eight years. It really messes with your mind.

In other news: I decided to come out of my shell and sing in front of people.
As a songwriter and singer, I need to be able to come out and show people my art.
And I was given that opportunity a few weeks ago.
I was going to audition with my college's music club for the talent show, and it was half an hour before and I thought, "man, I want to conquer my fear of singing in front of people, and here I am, I have an opportunity to do it. I'm going to regret not doing it, so what the heck? What's the worst they can do, tell me I suck?"
While I was waiting for my turn to audition, I briefly went over the chords to "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" by Tears For Fears, then, when I was called in, I sang it and accompanied myself on the piano. I shook violently the entire time, and I mean shook, I was barely able to remain standing on my feet, but I made it through.
A week later, I got a call, saying I'd made it in.
I'm psyched. I've arranged an entire piano accompaniment to it.
Well, took little bits of piano accompaniment that I learned from sheet music, and then put my own twist on it. I like it so far. It's very different, but I like it.

Anyway, remember that paper I don't have due on Tuesday?
Yeah, and that research I'm super secure in?
Yeah, gotta get back to that.
I'm liking the changes this year has brought, though, and there'll definitely be more on those.

Good to be back,
See you soon.

T-WAC
The upgraded, short-haired, goateed version. LOL

A Merry Christmas Story.....

So, the funniest thing happened the other day. As I was wondering the weary roads of life, I happened to stumble upon a mild case of chicken pox. Now, it had gone through my family, and since I was vaccinated when I was very young, I thought I was safe, but APPARENTLY NOT. I had to miss Christmas Eve mass because of it, which is by far the most special part of the Christmas season for me. But anyway, it was the night before Christmas Eve, and I had finally figured out what I wanted to get my dad. I was still contagious, and I didn't like the idea of going out in the state I was in, but then, it was either go out now or don't go out at all. I chose the former of these, and stayed as far away from everyone as possible.

Well, unfortunately, the store at the nearest mall didn't have what I was looking for. The sales associate told me that the nearest place that could have it was at another mall half an hour's drive away. It was already 8:30 at night. But, being the stubborn lunatic I am, I walked to my car without much thought on the matter, and drove half an hour to the other mall.

Now, when some people get chicken pox, they get open sores. I had one, but it was concealed by my hair. As I mentioned previously, my case was mild, and the pocks that I did get looked like aggravated pimples (in fact, I thought they were pimples caused by my ingestion of nearly half a 3.5 lb bag of Sour Patch Kids the night prior -- don't ask).

Anyway, back to my story. The mall was alive with the bustle of the season. Parents were out shopping, children in tow (why would you bring your kid Christmas shopping? Why?), and I saw several young couples walking hand in hand together (why would you go on a mall date the day before Christmas eve? Why?).

Suddenly, someone near one of the booths in the center of the mall made eye contact with me. "Hello there!" he said with a blatantly assertive voice as he walked towards me. Before I knew it, he was standing a mere six inches from my face. Typical salesman type. I didn't have time to respond before he began talking again, rather quickly. His accent made him somewhat difficult to understand, but what he said went a little something like this: "Hello there, my friend, are you tired of your problem? Do you have thirty dollars, yes or no?"
"No, what-"
"How old are you?"
"19."

"I can help you get rid of your problem, you should be able to walk confident and proud!"

He punctuated the last two adjectives by thrusting out his chest and standing up as tall as he could. An overly obvious and rather cheesy way to get one's point across, but hey, whatever works, right?

Anyway, I still didn't know what he meant. I wasn't aware of any problem that he may have been talking about.

Another thing that confused me was that I was walking in a confident manner before. I was having a good day, and even I had noticed that my posture was effortlessly good, which lifted my spirits even more. He must be stereotyping me, I decided.
"I help you get rid of this, all of it, within five days! Only five days!" the salesman continued excitedly. Suddenly, it hit me. He was looking at my pocks. He thought they were acne. He thought I was a gullible teenager with acne problems and self-esteem issues, and was trying to manipulate those traits to his advantage. I was laughing out loud in my head. But I could laugh later, now I had a present to buy, and let me tell you, it wasn't an overpriced bottle of acne cream. But he was still talking.

"Do you have thirty dollars, yes or no?"
"No."

"Do you have ten dollars, yes or no?"

"No."
"Do you have ten dollars?"

"No."
"Wait a minute, I can make it all go away, in five days!"

He turned back to his booth and grabbed a bottle of the acne cream and began rubbing some on a cotton ball. Oh great. He was going to try to put some on my face. The thought of an overly pushy paid-on-commission stranger touching my face was in absolutely no way appealing to me. Being brought up with very strict rules on manners, I was reluctant to break off this encounter by just walking away, but it was looking like there was no other option at this point. He wanted to make a sale.
Still, I did try.
"Um, it's a skin condition-"

"Five days, just wait a minute, five days!"

Nope. Wasn't going to work. At this point, I walked away, throwing a brief "Have a nice day" his way, to which he responded "You too, my friend."

At least he had sense enough to know when he'd lost a customer.

I didn't find what I was looking for that night, unfortunately. But the encounter I had with the salesman has not yet ceased to amuse me. He had been standing six inches from my face, and chances are, he would soon be waking up with a strange case of acne, and will realize within the next few days that the pox have claimed him too, for a time.

So I guess the moral of this story just might be "don't judge by appearance, you moron."
You never know.

That unconfident acne-ridden teenager in the corner?

He could just have an infectious case of chicken pocks.

And yeah, having your shoulders back and head up just screams low self-esteem.

T-WAC

In regards to the ending of the forever alone challenge....

First off, I want to make one thing clear: I am NOT working on my Engineering project right now. I am blogging. And despite the fact that I have google drive up in a separate window, I barely know what I'm talking about (the recent NIF breakthrough with nuclear fusion, for those of you who want to know), and the presentation is due on FRIDAY, here I am, blogging away like the not-ADD, slightly impulsive 19-year-old that I am (there's another thing I forgot to blog about: my birthday).

Anyway, the forever alone challenge ended on November 4th. I have to say, the past year has been fantastic. It was nice to make it away from the dating world a little. It was nice to take some time to develop myself as an individual, as well as focus on studies. But it was also nice to know that I don't need a girlfriend to be happy, despite what the world has been telling me (you know something's wrong with your culture when a woman in your sociology course looks you in the eye during a conversation about whether or not sex is a need and says loudly "YOU NEED IT, <INSERT REAL NAME HERE>!"

Dead serious. Direct quote.

Anyway, back on topic. That's something that's gonna end up going on my BFUO blog (which I haven't touched in months, maybe even over a year).

I would highly reccomend the forever alone challenge to anyone. It's really a great thing, a great time to help you refocus, find out what you want, set your standards, and realize that, dude, you don't need sex or romantic love to be happy. Sure, I missed the romantic part sometimes (and as for sex, I'm a virgin and remaining that way 'till I get married, if that happens), but it wasn't the end of the world. It was actually pretty cool. If anything, I feel like, by abstaining, I'm gonna have a greater appreciation for the little romantic things when I meet someone who's really worth it.
Honestly, for all of you people out there who are looking for love, my advice would be, save as much of yourself as possible for your soulmate/future spouse/whatever you wanna call "The One." Seriously, everyone else will come and go out of your life, and they don't deserve what you have. There's really only one person that deserves that.
Personally, I want to save all my kisses for my wife. That is a really hard thing to ask of myself (as kissing is by far the most ethereally wonderful thing I have experienced), but, hey. It'll make her feel like a helluva special person, right?

Anyway, I'm not really looking for anyone at the moment, and I don't really feel like changing that. I'm pretty much cool with whatever at this point.
My classes are taking up enough of my life as it is.
I mean, take a look:
Differential Equations
Linear Algebra
Sociology: The Family
Introduction to Materials Science
Statics
....enough said.

So. I hope to be back on soon. And I know that I have been saying that for the past seven or eight posts, but this time, I really mean it, I swear. Seriously. This will happen.
However, if I follow along the curve I have been following, I'll be seeing you all in March of 2014.

Happy... oh, I don't know... Happy-ing!

T-WAC