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"Home is not places, it is love." -- "Home Is Not Places" by The Apache Relay

Fairy Poodle

Fairy Poodle

My Thoughts

Sing loudly, passionately, with all your heart, for you've nothing to lose.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

A brief note to some friends

Just some words to some of my friends....

Savanna: Hey, I just wanted to say, thanks for being here. You're someone I can talk to about anything. I do feel kinda bad about getting you this far into my situation. But thanks for bearing with me. You rock.

Harpo: Yo, dude, wassup? Man, I know you're probably not going to get to see this, given that you don't know that I have a blog. Or do you? I don't really remember. Anyway, we used to hang out all the time, and we haven't for a while. DUDE, WE NEED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND DO STUFF! Seriously, you need some sunlight. Stay inside much longer and then you'll start to sparkle when you go out! LOL. Or develop a serious aversion or whatever. Oh, and if you ever wanna talk about stuff, I'm here to listen. I mean, dude, you're my homie! Oh, and one more thing... YYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!

Shannon: You're probably not gonna read this either. But hey. I'm writing it anyway. You inspire me in many ways. When I was curled up in my little shell because of social anxiety, you dragged me kicking and screaming out of it, and you didn't give up on me. That's just one of the little things that makes you so awesome. You're one of a kind, as cliche as that sounds, and I've never met anyone else like you. You so totally rock!

Adam: Hey, dude. I know that I haven't exactly been... right... lately, but I'm getting better. We do need to hang out. I've got two weeks free at the end of the semester, though you're probably not going to read this anyway, given that I never told you that I have a blog. Oh well. But seriously, you're a really cool dude, and you probably don't realize that, but to be honest, it takes a certain kind of person to be "cool" in my eyes. You're one of very few. Rock on.

Rebecca: I think you read this, but I don't really remember. But you're the one who, when the whole world is telling me to rely on my own knowledge and understanding, tells me to trust in God. 'Cause God's who I need most right now. You really understand what it means to trust and to have faith, and that's admirable. God bless. :)

Adam: Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudddddddddddddddeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
What happened, man? We need to start hanging out again, bro!
Oh, and your resemblance to Harpo is scary! We should totally do something. Hang out somewhere. Do crazy stuff. Oh, and how's your wife doing? LOL.
Oh wait... you won't be reading this. You don't know I have a blog either.

Laurinda: ....We've been through alot together in the past six months. Alot more than most people go through during six months. Just so you know, and pardon my use of a profane expression, I wouldn't still be here right now if I didn't care about you one hell of alot. I know it doesn't always seem that way, but know that I'm having just as many mixed feelings as you are right now. Feelings make things so illogical; they'll tell me one thing one day, and then something completely different a different day, and then I end up wanting to beat my head against a wall. Except not literally. LOL.
Aside from that, you get me better than anyone else, and you can read me like a book, which is so annoying, and that kind of balances out the fact I can read you just as easily. I mean, you know what's wrong before I know what's wrong, and that scares me. I also really enjoy talking to a fellow student who's technically too young for college, LOL. Seriously, you get everything. Being the oldest in a big family, being above average intelligence, all of that. And that's really cool.
I could take much longer to write something out, but let's just condense it a bit.
You're awesome.
And I am right.
I am always right.

Alyssa: You're another below-college-age student. Well, technically, not anymore. And you probably won't be reading this either. But I'm just gonna say it anyway. You are a cool person. I'm glad that I started talking to you last semester. You're alot of fun to talk to, and you're a very interesting person. I'm looking forward to having calculus and physics with you over the summer, and to having classes with you next semester. That'll be cool. I'll know somebody in my class!

Shannon: You're my sister, and there's not much that you don't already know. But hey, I can always talk to you or hang out with you, which is really cool. We've been through a black belt test together, come from the same man and woman, and were raised in the same family. Somewhere along the way, we've gotta develop a deep closeness. I love you, Banana.

I don't know why I wrote these. Half of you probably won't ever see them. But hey, whatever. It works.
Until next time,

Tuesday, April 3, 2012


Sometimes, you hurt.
Sometimes, you feel like you can't escape.
Sometimes, you want nothing more than someone to hold you and keep you safe from your demons, protect you from your fears, tell you that everything's gonna be alright.
It's those times that you know that, as much as it hurts, as big as all the problems feel, as afraid as you are, you have to go it alone.
For the sake of the other person.
For the sake of yourself.

A man I know once told me that he found life to be dull, rote, meaningless. There was nothing for him in it. Every day was just another day. Nothing he did would ever make a difference. We were all going to die. What fulfillment is there?
That reminds me of why I have faith in God.
He gives me a purpose. Without him, I would be nothing.
All I would be is another human on the hopeless road to death, trying to fill up his life with meaningless pleasures, trying to hide from the truth that nothing I do will ever matter.

"Don't take up music unless you'd rather die than not do so." -- Nadia Boulanger.

Nothing compares to the joy of that moment when you feel hopeless, depressed, upset, and someone close to you says, does, something that shows you that you're not alone, and that someone really, truly loves you, and is willing to show that love, rather than push you away.

"Fear is only in our minds, taking over all the time." -- "Sweet Sacrifice", Evanescence

The only way to conquer fear is to decide of your own will to face it.
No one else can conquer it for you.
No one else can force you to conquer it.
You must choose that path yourself.

When your heart speaks, you better listen, even if it tells you something you don't want to hear.
There. I said it. Now I'm officially a hypocrite.

Sometimes, it takes a stronger man to allow himself to cry than to push emotions away and hide them within the recesses of his soul.

Meddle not it what you do not understand.

She has seen my pain, when I was too hurt to cry, when I was frustrated, angry, upset, cold. As my fingers bent into her keys, she released a cry in a tongue that can be understood by all.

If I am stupid for believing what I believe, let me be stupid. It's no skin off your back.

A good friend of mine once said that we'll only regret chances we didn't take.

".....And there is no aspect, no facet, no moment of life that can't be improved with pizza." -- Daria Morgendorfer.


Do Not Eat the Fairy Poodle!

Do Not Eat the Fairy Poodle!