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"Home is not places, it is love." -- "Home Is Not Places" by The Apache Relay

Fairy Poodle

Fairy Poodle

My Thoughts

Sing loudly, passionately, with all your heart, for you've nothing to lose.

Monday, February 27, 2012

My faith journey (in a nutshell)

Setting: God and I, driving in a taxi to Paradise down a winding country road.

Me, looking ahead down the road: "Oh, I see where we're going now. Yes, there it is. I see it." (turns to God) "Thanks for the lift. I really needed that. But I think I'll be okay now."

God, looking concerned: "Are you sure? You'll get lost."

Me: "No, I got it, I'll be fine. I can see the way down the path. All I have to do is walk through that forest over there, and then boom. I'll be there. No sweat!"

God, sighing sadly: "That's what you said last time."

Me: "No. Seriously. I'll be fine. I can handle this. Really. You gave me a brain."

God: "And I also gave you free will." (frowns) "All right.... As you wish...."

God pulls the taxi over, and I get out.

Me: "Thanks again! See you later!"

God, from the taxi: "I'll be there if you decide you don't want to go on your own."

I don't hear. I'm already in the forest.

I walk out into the forest. I feel great. Using my expert sense of direction I walk due north, toward my destination. The birds are all chirping happily, and it's looking like it'll only take me a day to reach the other side, maybe less.

Next day:

Haven't reached destination yet. I continue on confidently

Me: "Oh, I'll be fine! I know the way. I'm good. I can handle myself. God gave me this excellent brain to rely on, I'll be fine! Has my expert sense of direction ever steered me wrong before?"

...I choose not to answer that question.

Next day:

Continuing forward, even though I'm convinced that I've seen this place before. I'm beginning to realize that my expert sense of direction isn't as expert as I thought.

Me: "Yeah, a minor setback, that's it. I'm fine."

Next day:

Trekking on, finding it harder to convince myself that I know what I'm doing.

Me: "Oh, I'll be out of here soon enough.... I'm fine-"

Cue torrential downpour.


Next day:

Me, soaked to the skin, walking in circles, halfheartedly muttering: "I'll be fine.... Don't worry.... I know my way around.... I'm good...."

Next day:

Me meandering through the vines, shoots, and overgrowth: "I'll be fine.......... I'll be fine...... I'll-" (trips on a root and crashes on face) "Oh [expletive]! I hate this place! But I'm almost there! I can feel it (I think)......"

Next day:

I'm continually meandering through the underbrush: "Y'know.... This kinda gets me to thinking, I mean, not that this is probable or anything, but maybe, just maybe, this wasn't a good idea?"

Next day:

I stumble on a wasp's nest: "Oh crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap!" (bolts away, followed by half a million wasps)
Later: "Six, seven, eight, nine, ten.... So many stupid wasp stings! Could this get any worse?" (realize that I am standing in a patch of very familiar three-leaf plants) "Aaaaarrrrrrrghhhhhh!"

Next day:

Walking oddly through the bramble, trying to scratch the poison ivy itches without opening the wounds of the wasp stings: "Yep, I think that was a bad idea."

Next day:

Wandering, even more lost: "That was a very, very bad idea."

Next day:

Banging head against a tree: "Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!"

Next day:

Laying face-down on the forest floor: "It's hopeless.... hopeless!"

Next day:

Hasn't moved: "I'm doomed. I am so doomed. Nothing can-" (cell phone falls out of pocket) "OH YES! My cell phone! I can call God!" (starts typing) "Oh [expletive], I forgot the number!"

Next day:

Paces back and forth: "I can't believe it.... I can't remember the number.... What the crap.... I knew it just a few days ago."

Next day:

Looks up into the sky, tearing up: "I'M SORRY GOD!" (drops cell phone, hears a beep) "What's that?" (picks up cell phone) "Oh. It's in the phone book on my phone!" (almost drops the phone in joy, then selects number quickly) "Um, hello? Could you... um...."

God: "Already on my way."

Ten minutes later:

God pulls up in his taxi and rolls down the window. I walk over: "Um, God? Look, um, I was wrong. I was an idiot, and should've stayed with you. I know, that you're probably really mad right now, but I'm really, really sorry about that. Is there... um, can you... um...."

God: "Yes, of course, I forgive you. I will always love you no matter what. Why don't you get in the taxi. You look like you've been through hell."

I laugh weakly, then get into the taxi. Soon, all of the stings are gone, and all of the poison ivy is gone, and I'm feeling better. I feel better than I ever have before.

Next day:

Taxi is driving up a scenic route in the mountains. I'm feeling absolutely wonderful.
Me: "Well, thanks so much, God. This is so much better than what I was doing before."

God: "You're welcome."

Taxi starts decending the mountain, and heading towards the desert.

Me: "Oh, I see where we're going now. And I think I know what I did wrong last time."

God, looking unconvinced: "You do?"

Me, gesturing towards the desert: "Yes. Last time, I got lost because there were so many trees. But I know what to do now. Thanks for the lift, but I think that I know my way from here."

God, sighing sadly: "That's what you said last time."

Me: "But I really do this time. I can see straight across the desert, so I'm not gonna get lost."

God: "Oh your not?"

Me: "Yes, I'll be fine."

God, still looking unconvinced: "You'll be fine."

Me: Yes, of course I'll be fine. You gave me this brain, remember?"

God sighs: "Yes, and I also gave you free will. Very well."

Taxi pulls over by the side of the road. I get out.

Me: "Hey, thanks again. I don't know what I would've done back there if you hadn't helped me out. Well, I'll see you later!

God: "If you decide that you need me, I'll be waiting for you, and I won't hesitate to pick you up...."

Here we go again.....

So, that's it. My faith journey, in a nutshell.
See you guys soon,

Another short thought.

Grr.... Why -ow- can't I -ow- reach these stupid -ow- hedge clippers?
I've almost -ow- got them, just these thorns -ow-....


Saturday, February 25, 2012

A short thought.

There is nothing I look forward to more than the day I'm back to my old self again.
The one that laughed, didn't always have things on his mind,
smiled 90% of the time because he was genuinely happy.
The one that wasn't angry, depressed,
didn't have to go through endless turmoil just to escape my own mind.
The one that was didn't have a window into the suffering of others,
the one that didn't have to watch helplessly and know that he could do nothing about it.
The one that acted crazy simply for the pleasure of doing so.
Back when dancing and air guitar were more than just defence mechanisms to keep the demons away.

But I want to keep some things from this one, though. The understanding of myself and others, for one, the
fact that I talk to people more than I ever have before, the lyrics I have written,
the love I have felt from my friends, the knowledge of how, when all of the walls come crashing down, when you've given everything you have, and more, until you're dead inside,
there's someone who will hold you while you sob and shake, even if no physical tears ever fall.
The knowledge that I'm strong enough to handle the life that God set in front of me,
that no matter how bad things get, there will always be a way to heal, find peace,
that even when you're thrust naked into the thorns, there is always a pair of hedge clippers waiting just beyond your reach, and if you really pull through it, try for it, fight for it, your hand will close around the handle, and the the thorns will be discarded to the ground.

There are some things I'll never be able to recover. And I'll accept that. It's part of growth.
I've learned about pain, but I've learned about hope, and I've learned about strength.
God's given me a choice, and I choose to rise up and walk, eyes dead set on the light that promises that maybe, when I've made it out of this mess, there's some kind of happiness that I can reach, dispite my curse of understanding.
Only those who have been beaten down to the very bottom are truly able to understand the meaning of true happiness.
No one is lost, unless they choose to be lost. No one is left behind, unless they choose to be left behind.
No one is broken beyond repair. There will always be scars, but there is healing there for those who seek it.
Hope is not something that can be lost, only hidden from view, but it will reemerge at your beckoning call.

And when it's all tearing apart, love is the one thing that remains with you forever.

Let God work, stay strong, and hold on to hope.
It will save your sanity.
It will save your life.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Blog of BFUOs.

Since I have a loud and obnoxious opinion, and I need somewhere to write about it, I've made another blog entitled BFUOs from the mind of the Walrus.
Some of my opinions are on contemporary issues that deal with some mature subject matter, so be warned. Nothing X rated or anything, just more mature subject matter. If you're thirteen or fourteen, it shouldn't be anything new to you.
Most people do not agree with my opinions, and in most cases, they'd prefer to shout me down rather than actually hold an open conversation. I personally take that as evidence that I am right and they are wrong. But that's just me. In fact, society as a whole teaches others to look down on people with my views. People with my views are considered intolerant, bigoted, old-fashioned, and all-around bad. But I'm not any of those. I'm one of the most tolerant people you'll meet.
So anyway, I'm nervous about sharing them with even my closest friends for fear of misinterpretations.
I'll be doing my best to explain my views in a simple, honest, non-judgemental manner.
If you still choose to interpret my words as me being intolerant, bigoted, whatever, be my guest. I've given as much of a disclaimer as I possibly can.
To be honest, it doesn't matter how many people disagree with me, they're not going to change anytime soon.
Anyway, see you all later,

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

A very quick post on what is going on, because quite frankly, I should be doing homework right now, but I'm being rather stupid and deciding to post on my blog instead.

Hello everyone.
Spring semester is underway, and I'm already laden with homework.
A brief overview of my classes:
Abnormal psychology is where I learn about messed-up people, and despite the fact that it is an honors class, it actually requires the least amount of work.
Trigonometry is where I learn that the sine of sixty degrees is equal to the square root of three divided by two, and where I learn similar definitions for cosine, tangent, cotangent, secant, cosecant. This class either bores me out of my skull, or stresses me out because we were only taught half of the material that is on the homework, and the other half, I need to teach myself. Hooray.
Beginning Spanish 1? Fun, but difficult. I need to work harder for that class than for the other two put together, and I still don't feel like I'm getting enough out of the class to be able to speak Spanish fluently. Of course, this is also the beginning of the semester.

The semester tires me already, in part because I'm sick of my mind spinning around in circles.
To be honest, I have no idea what I'm doing with my life at all.
I know I'm getting a degree at my community college, but that's about it. After that, I don't know whether I'm going to a music school, an aeronautical university, an engineering school....
I don't know.
All I know is that I'm single again -- yes, I don't believe I posted that I was dating someone earlier, but it ended in late november, so it's old news now -- and I have no clue where my love life is going. Quite honestly, I think that romance is sadistic, causing two people to be drawn to each other, to partake in awkward and illogical actions such as pressing one anothers lips together (most of which would never normally be done without some sort of impulse), causing a deep emotional bond, and then tearing everything apart once everything no longer works out.
But that's my grim, fatalistic view, because quite frankly, I've never been given a reason to change it. Yet anyway. Hopefully that will change. Or I could end up in a seminary in another five years.
But anyway, my sister is expressing a desire to use the computer for homework.
I will post again eventually. When I have time.


Do Not Eat the Fairy Poodle!

Do Not Eat the Fairy Poodle!