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"Home is not places, it is love." -- "Home Is Not Places" by The Apache Relay

Fairy Poodle

Fairy Poodle

My Thoughts

Sing loudly, passionately, with all your heart, for you've nothing to lose.

Monday, July 21, 2014

My Childhood Gems: Why I'm So Messed Up

When we look back at our early childhood, I'm sure we all have things we remember.
Perhaps we would wake up at the crack of dawn and play with our siblings (if we had any) and toys until 7:00 AM, when we would watch "Clifford The Big Red Dog" or "Dragon Tails" or "Arthur" on the PBS station, until Mom and Dad got up, at which point we would eat breakfast and maybe play outside afterwards.
Yeah, I bet that sounds pretty typical, pretty run-of-the-mill for the most of you. And I can't say my early childhood was very different. However, there were some things. A few things that most of us... well, most of us didn't have. I have compiled a list of my "Childhood Gems" here, the reasons I have a sick sense of humour and some rather... odd... tastes.

Gem No. 1: Combo Number Five

Now let me tell you something about my family. We've never been particularly apt in the social appropriateness department, least of all in the subdepartment of social appropriateness known as political correctness.
My grandmother on my mother's side is the prime example of this, as she could be in many ways what would now be termed as racist (she would do things such as squinting her eyes in an exaggerated fashion and immitating the man who took our order at the Chinese food place. "Oh, ya, you get awon large gen'el tso chicken? And two eggroll?").
Not that my grandmother ever saw the Chinese as anything less than anyone else. In her defense, she simply found the Chinese accent funny. Not that I believe that making fun of those of any race is in any way beneficial to society. But anyway.
My father had a video on his computer, a Chinese food parody of "Mambo Number Five" by some artist whose name I do not remember. My siblings and I would watch it and laugh hysterically.
Here it is:

Gem No. 2: WASSUPPP?!

Anyone remember the old Budweiser commercials? Yeah, those frequented my childhood. Dad has a number of strange interests, one of which is commercials. Here are a few of them.

...And naturally, people took this and made their own videos. I remember seeing this one as a kid all the time.

Funny thing is, I'm still laughing just as hard, if not harder, than I did when I was a kid.

Gem No. 3: Tank Girl

So, what music did ya'll listen to as kids? "Mary Had A Little Lamb"?
I have to say, I had my share of nursery rhymes. However, there were some other things there as well. My parents both loved a really campy and absurdly ridiculous movie from the '90s called "Tank Girl."
And, until Banana and I started singing the lyrics, the songs from the soundtrack frequented our ears.
I've posted a few of these before, but here are some of the examples:

Please note, Banana could not WOULDN'T go to sleep unless my mother blasted "Shove" and literally ran across the room with her back and forth.
And finally, the one that caused my parents to stop playing the soundtrack altogether when we started repeating lyrics.

Gem No. 4: Elfbowling

My parents have a very odd sense of humour, to say the least. Occasionally, as a child, I would walk in on one of my parents playing a game called "Elfbowling." In this game, you played as Santa, bowling down elves on strike at the end of a lane.
Pretty harmless. At least, until the elves started moving and/or taunting you.
"Fewer Toys! Higher Wages!"
"Is that all the balls you got, Santa?"
My personal favorite was an elf saying "Hey, Santa," followed by all of them turning around in unison and pulling down their pants.
I think I got to play it once or twice.
As for the sequel, which was a shuffleboard match between Santa and his South Pole brother, and involved elves in thongs, on the other hand....
I said the Gems were messed up, not traumatizing.

These are the major ones, as these are the ones that I experienced at the earliest age.

This will probably be followed by a sequel, with other, later gems. I look forward to that.
As of now, I can barely keep my eyes open, much less look back at my childhood.

G'night all,

My Recording Equipment is Out To Ruin My Dream of Being a Big-Shot Producer

I am very upset with my recording equipment right now.
For some odd reason, my audio track refuses to record.
I don't know what's up and have been trying to fix it for quite a while, and it's still not working. I mean, I connected all of the busses and stuff, the input busses and output busses are connected, the signal is going through the hardware to the software. It just won't arm for record.

I'm convinced that my equipment is out to ruin any experience I might attain independently.
Needless to say, I am more than a little bit irate.

I mean, come on. I just want to record a freakin' EP so I can get my music out there and test my production skills. Is that too much to ask?

I guess I'll just drown my sorrows in Anette Olzon's new album, and then it's on to Tuomas Holopainen's.
Scratch that, Tuomas Holopainen's it is.

Hey, this is pretty good.

Anyway, I've been thinking of possible titles for my new EP (or full-length album, I have enough songs in the works).
I was initially thinking of a purely piano and vocals EP, which I would call "I Left my Keys in the House" (hahaha), but then I realized that I actually have more instruments available to me. And half of my songs don't have piano anyway.

And speaking of such things...
I'm buying a new keyboard.
Yes, I am. I am making a major purchase right before I go off to my new college (did I forget to mention I now have an Associate's in Engineering?).

Before you judge me on this "foolish" decision, let's look at the facts here:
1. I have been saving up birthday money since I was 15, and much of this was given to me with the intention that I use it on something I want. I can officially pay for most of the keyboard out of that.
2. I have wanted to make my career professional for a while, and have been limited (in part) by equipment. This will eliminate that limitation.
3. This keyboard is good enough that I will not want or need to upgrade for a long time. Even though I could buy a decent workstation for half the price of this one, I want something that I'll use for a long time. I want to use this thing for the next ten years at least. Sooooo, it's worth the price.
4. A guy can follow his dreams, can't he?

Sooo, I didn't go terribly off topic, did I.
The heck with recording equipment. I quit. At least, for today.... I'll be back at it tomorrow.

For those of you who want to see her, here she is: the Korg Krome, 88 Keys.

See y'all later,



Do Not Eat the Fairy Poodle!

Do Not Eat the Fairy Poodle!