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"Home is not places, it is love." -- "Home Is Not Places" by The Apache Relay

Fairy Poodle

Fairy Poodle

My Thoughts

Sing loudly, passionately, with all your heart, for you've nothing to lose.

Monday, December 31, 2012

And there will be memories: 2012, year of change.

Well, I figured I'd post a brief synopsis of the past year.

The first half kinda sucked. I started the year depressed (going through a lot of tough stuff at the time), sitting on my butt and playing the free version of "World of Warcraft" until late into the night, because that's what I do when I'm depressed. Or bored. Or just 'cause I want to. So in the end, it doesn't really mean anything.

Anyway, that fluctuated over the next four months. I started Abnormal Psychology class, among others, and that taught me the very important lesson that I would MUCH rather die than be paid to listen to people talk about their problems. At the end of the school year, I ended up having to make some tough decisions and let some people go. It hurt, but I'm glad I did. From there, we kinda went uphill in regards to emotions and all that crap.

Next, on to the summer courses! Oh, what fun! First was calculus one. I met my friend William there (if you've found this blog, hello and happy new year) and we took some derivatives and integrated like the cool people we are. Then came Physics one, where I met the person who has to be my LEAST favorite teacher on the planet. And, hey, wouldn't it be my luck that he's the head of my department? Insert expletive here. At least my teacher left me with a great quote, so great, might I add, that I copied it down word for word in my notes so that I would always remember: "This is physic one! First stage of life that you learn lots of things!"
Unfortunately, that [expletive] B+ ruined my 4.0. Perfectionism, you [expletive]ing [expletive].

Late summer: Oh eighteenness! How I love the contributions thou hast made to my life! My birthday was spent studying for and taking a test, then buying books. That's right. No party. No carousing. No complaining neighbors. Just school and stuff. One of my classes started early, so that kinda sucked.

Fall. Two of my classes are with said physics teacher. Workload is insane. Social life ceased to exist.
Mid fall. Class that started early ended early. Yippee. Less work. Still insane.

Later fall: Things were a bit hectic. For one, the music club at my school actually had a meeting. Around the fifth meeting, I got sick of nothing getting done, so I took charge. Now my friend Tad and I are the heads of the music club. I found my place as the dude who can sit down at a piano and improvise along to whatever they need.
Aside from school, I completely stopped caring about what people thought at home and just started singing. I mean, I know I sound like a dying cat sometimes (high notes, high notes...) but seriously, if I don't sing, how am I gonna get any better. I'm finding that I'm developing a nice vibrato, which happens when my throat relaxes. Unfortunately, it tenses up when I'm singing around people, so I've gotta get that fixed.
Also, singing helps emotions get from inside to outside. Seriously, it works. Try it sometime.

As you all are aware, I decided on November 4th, 2012 that I would begin what I've titled the "Forever Alone Challenge."
It's done amazing things. I'd highly recommend it for anyone who is single.

Lastly, I had an AMAZING Christmas for many reasons. One was that I was finished with school. I have done nothing but be lazy since school ended. I mean seriously. If you're going to school all spring, then throughout the entire summer, and then top it off with five classes during the fall, that's gonna leave you pretty exhausted.
Another was that I got to sing at Christmas mass. I had a solo for the first song, which is not what made it awesome. My grandmother's reaction to said solo, on the other hand.... My grandmother is never impressed by anything. She expects nothing less than perfection (and you wonder why I'm a perfectionist, hmm....). No blemishes. None whatsoever. Seeing her eyebrows raised in an expression that said "I was not expecting something like that from you" was awesome.
Christmas mass also always brings a certain peace that only comes around this time of year. It's really amazing. It reminds me of why the season's such a great thing.

After that? I hung out with some friends (hey Harpo, hey Savanna) and played Pokemon White 2 for ten or so hours. Yes, I still play Pokemon. It's fun. I mean, come on. What can be more fun than making one bunch of strange-looking creatures beat the pants of of another bunch of strange looking creatures? Personally, I think the cute ones are stupid, as cuteness and the ability to beat the tar out of other Pokemon don't exactly go hand in hand. But anyway.

So, in summary my year went from generally sucky, to generally awesome. I'm feeling SOOOO much better than I was before, and that makes me happy.
It makes me wonder what kinds of epicness next year will bring.... Hmm....
A stable job? A song recorded finally? A new girlfriend? Well, if so, it'd have to be AFTER November 4th, LOL.

So, welcome, 2013. Bring us something new, something exciting. While 2012 was a long hard journey, I want 2013 to be an adventure. I want to take risks this year, live on the edge (not in the stupid way, of course). I want to change my life, I want to live. I will change my life, I will live. This is my resolution.

I leave you all with this quote as I head with all of you into the bold unknown.
"To love another person is to see the face of God." -- Victor Hugo (Les Miserables)


Friday, December 14, 2012

A quick post

It's over. School is over. I am so happy. Time for break. So far, I've gotten an A in Calculus II, and an A in Chemistry I. That's all I know so far.

On a completely unrelated note, "Crazy World" by Boys Like Girls came out on Tuesday. I might just post a review of it on here.
The last song on it is amazing. Today, I got home from school, sat down, and within half an hour (or less) I had figured out the chord progression and at least some of the piano part.
I will leave you with this.

My musical tastes have been getting significantly less dark.
Maybe that's a good thing. I wanna be able to listen to lighthearted, upbeat stuff some days and dark, gothic, depressing stuff on others. The variety is good. I also wanna write some upbeat songs as well as the depressing ones. Y'know, to broaden myself as an artist. But anyway.

Enjoy the holidays, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukka (I never spell that right).

Until next time,


Monday, November 26, 2012

Innocence is gold....

Well, it's Patar again.

For those of you who recall (from the beginning of this blog) Patar has always been a little bit of an unintentional troublemaker.
He's eight now, but it seems like only a few years ago when he was zoning out and cussing unintentionally. Come to think of it, that's probably because it was.
But anyway.
It was a short time ago when he said something else that made me laugh.
Now, my mother enjoys a TV show entitled "Criminal Minds" which is about the investigation of serial killers, sociopaths, antisocials, pedophiles, human trafficking rings, etc.
I do not watch it, because it injures my hope in humanity to see, even in acting, one human inflicting pointless and wanton pain on another for the sheer enjoyment of it as the victim is violated and stabbed repeatedly, as the killer laughs at the screams of agony and the bleeding. Sadism sucks.
Anyway, because of the subject matter, Patar is quickly shooed out of the room every time he ever-so-eagerly tries to catch a glimpse of the television screen.
One evening, I had just shooed him out, and we began to converse about the show. I mentioned to him that I didn't like watching it.
"It gets rather disturbing in places," said I, as we walked into the living room of my house. "I don't like the violence."
"I haven't seen any of that," replied Patar casually. "All I've seen on that show are people standing there talking about stuff."
Pretty typical of "Criminal Minds".
If someone's not being brutally murdered or kidnapped, there's lots of talking.
I nodded in understanding.
I was not expecting what I heard from Patar next, however.
"...and then there was once where there was this bed, and then a boy fell on top of a girl on it." Patar's face displayed a befuddled expression. "Isn't that weird?"
I don't know what it was, the complete nonchalant way he brought it up, or the genuine lack of understanding in his voice. One way or another, his expression became even more befuddled when I burst out laughing.
"Isn't it?" he asked again. It didn't seem to occur to him to ask what I was laughing about. I continued laughing for a while before finally answering. "Yes. Yes, that is very weird."
He looked at me strangely, then went upstairs to get in his pajamas, as I managed to stop myself from laughing long enough to inform Mom and Banana of what had just happened, both of whom responded in largely the same way I had.
Oh Patar... that quote will go down in the books much like when he said that his-
...never mind.
That is definitely a topic for another post.


Sunday, November 25, 2012

Three more weeks, Campbell. Three more weeks....

First off, I want to express the fact that I am feeling MUCH much better than I was a while ago. That's a good thing.
Second, I want to say that I AM DONE with school. No, the semester hasn't ended. It's just that I've been running since the spring (that's right, through the summer too) and I'm ready to plotz, as it were. I'm going to push out my best performance for the coming three weeks, and then I'm going to crash at home, hang out with friends, sleep, eat good food, write music, sleep, enjoy christmas music, hang out with friends, sleep, go walking, explore my town, sleep, etc.

Man, I haven't written music in a while. I haven't had the time. Once school is over, I am totally get back to writing lyrics, and finishing the songs I have.
So far, I have:
"Love Another Day" -- Kind of soft-rock-ish. I wrote it in February last year I think, to get myself through a hard time. I have almost finished editing all of the parts, and I wanna add in a string section, but that doesn't have to come right away. It's really really close to being finished.
"Bitter Cold Night" -- Dissonant, hard rock. I wrote it while I was in denial about something last year. I kinda abandoned it for a while, but have come back. I'm hoping that will be another one I can come closer to finishing over the break.
"Bliss" -- A working title. Basically, it's about wanting to be in a relationship, but not being able to. I haven't finished the lyrics yet. I need a second verse and a bridge. Again, soft-rock-ish. I wrote it over the summer. I have a relatively good idea of where the music is going, but it still needs work.
"Stay Awhile" -- I'm not entirely sure how this will be. It's about a relationship I was once in, and it's kinda something I really don't wanna look back on right now. I'm not sure. I might continue it, I might not. As it is, the lyrics need editing. The bridge speaks too personally to the situation that I was in for me to be comfortable with it. Other than that, I have a relatively well developed piano part, and a solid chord progression.
"Child With A Knife" -- About a girl I met at the beginning of last fall. She was rather... troubled, we shall say. I believe I may have posted about her last year somewhere. I'm not sure whether I want to continue this either, but I like the musical sound. Unfortunately, singing with the piano part has proved to be difficult.
"Laughing At Nothing" -- The one relationship song I've written. It's basically about finding someone, being able to let go of the past, and loving them for no other reason than because you want to. I have no idea where this is going musically, but I'll figure it out eventually.

I think I have a few more, but I don't remember now. I know it's kinda weird to forget your own projects, but hey, it happens.

I've also decided what my image as an artist will be. I'm going to be a completely normal person, as weird as that sounds. I'm gonna walk up on stage in jeans and a t-shirt, and I'm going to sing about my life. I'm going to sing about everything. My pain, my joy, my love, my sadness, my happiness... you name it. I want to portray a real human being, because that's all I am, all I ever will be, all I want to be.
That means that I'll have to start to write relatively happy songs. My original aspiration was to be a rock artist, so I wrote lots of depressing lyrics. And, save for romantic love, it's kinda hard to find really happy stuff to write about. But then, I found it hard to write depressing songs at first. I thought, "Hey, my life really doesn't suck that much -- what's there to write about?" I found stuff, though. So there is hope. There is always hope.

Anyway, that's all, folks. Gotta get up at 5:45 tomorrow morning to catch a bus.

With much sincerity,


Monday, November 5, 2012

Another very short post.

Just letting you all know:

I can't even begin to describe the peace I'm feeling since I made last night's decision.



Sunday, November 4, 2012

A decision I've made regarding my love life....

To whom it may concern (because I feel the need to be all formal and crap):

Lately, I have been having a lot of distress regarding my love life.
We all have people we "like", and I am no different, but UNFORTUNATELY, I am in no shape whatsoever to even attempt at being in a relationship. It would be too much stress to put myself under, given current circumstances (school, emotional state, etc.). Yet, still, I continue to experience strong desires for a romantic relationship. It depresses me, because I really want to follow these desires, but at the same time, I know that I can't, and it's kinda tearing me apart. I mean, you guys know what liking someone is like. It's insane.
I've kinda been stuck on this for a while, and it's really been driving me crazy.
Then, today, a solution came to me.
This is going to sound really odd, and really rather daft.
I began to turn this solution in my head, and it seemed plausible, so I mentioned it to Banana, who thought it was a good idea, and I'm now thinking this is the best course of action.
Okay, you know those stupid "challenges" you see online? Y'know, thirty-day song challenge, thirty-day photo challenge, etc.
What I'm planning is sorta like that. But not really.
I'm calling it the "Forever alone challenge".
I am going to be single for the next year.
Yes, I know I'm probably sounding like I'm way off my rocker here.
But it's kinda the only way I think I can set things at ease.
Essentially, this decision is not based on analytical reasoning. It's more based on what my heart says. My heart says that being in a relationship right now would not be a good idea. The thought of committing myself to someone right now terrifies me. And though I do desire to follow my romantic feelings, I know that anyone whom they are for deserves someone with their head more securely fastened onto their shoulders. Further, I think it would be worth it to wait until there's actually a decent chance that I could contribute to the upkeeping of a mature relationship, rather than trying to rush into it, when I know well that I'm not ready to try to take that step. I acknowledge that the feeling is one of the most pleasurable things, if not the most pleasurable, that I have felt in my existence on this earth.
Yet, I think that, without the security of a mature relationship, these feelings are meaningless.

Also, this time will give me a while to turn my eyes upon my relationship with God. Without Him to fill that hole that only He can, I'm only gonna try to fill it with other things, and that is totally gonna end up sucking. Once my feet are firmly planted in a strong, loving relationship with Jesus, I will be able to form a solid relationship with another human. Once I am rooted in Jesus, I will also have the wisdom and love to be able to be a stable, reliable father for my children, if God chooses to so bless me.

Despite this decision, there will be a loophole, however; if, at any time, during this period, I feel as though my heart is leading me to someone, my heart says it's right, and more importantly, God gives me the thumbs-up, this resolution will end. By my heart, this resolution begins, and by my heart, it will break.

On this day, November 4th, 2012, I have decided that I be single until November 4th, 2013, unless I am called to be otherwise during this period.

Anyway, I'm posting this here, and on Facebook, to see what you guys all have to say.
What do you guys think? Does my decision make sense? Am I crazy?
I know some of you know me personally while others only know me as T-WAC on Blogger.
Regardless, I'd like to hear from any of you.

I know this may sound a bit wild, but I think it's the best thing for me right now.


Saturday, November 3, 2012

Thought I should share this....

Hey again. I know I just posted yesterday, but I'm back.
I happened to discover this album a little while ago, and figured I should share it.
It'll be released during February of next year, I believe, according to their facebook page.

It's called "Bringer of Light" and it's by the band Damnation Angels. It's by far one of the most epic symphonic metal albums I've heard. The lead vocalist is absolutely amazing, and he's become one of my all-time favorite singers. He's the same singer who sang the cover of Dream Theater's "The Spirit Carries On" that I posted a while back.

I don't know how many of you want to listen to an entire album, but it's worth it, really. I would post a few of the best songs on here, but some of them aren't available in separate youtube videos.
Here's the first song I ever heard by them.

Yes, it's long, but it's amazing.

Here's another one.

Also absolutely amazing. It's shorter, but still long. Both are worth every minute, though.

Anyway, I'll be back sometime in the future.

See you later,

Friday, November 2, 2012


Well, I'm depressed again. And I have to say, it does suck.
I don't like waking up to negative thoughts, constantly feeling inadequate, and overthinking stuff.
I was depressed for three weeks, and then I decided I was sick of it and wasn't going to be depressed anymore, but then, strangely, it ended up coming back. And that sucks, 'cause it usually doesn't do that.
I mean, I don't have anything of clinical significance. Yet, anyway, 'cause it seems to be heading in that direction. My eating habits and sleeping habits haven't been perturbed in any noticeable way (aside from that which results from school), and I haven't completely lost enjoyment of pleasurable activities. I have, however, found myself to be down the majority of the time, have become exceedingly restless, even irritable, and it has affected my cognitions, which is by far the scariest thing it's done.
In a dark world where you can't even control your own mind, you really begin to see the value of having close friends and parents who are willing to listen to you and actually get what it's like. They're also the ones that point out when I'm not thinking straight. It's really nice.
I can't say I'm surprised that this is happening. I have an incredibly strong genetic predisposition (both sides of my family have histories of mood disorders), and, according to the diathesis-stress model, the stressors that I experienced last year (I have spoken a little of them on this blog, I believe) were very likely to trigger my genetic predispositions. I know I haven't said much about what happened that has made me a bit... less happy, we shall say. I may get into that later. I don't know.
Let's just say I didn't listen to my heart and got screwed over. But that's a topic for a different post.
Anyway, I should probably post about what school's been like (I know I haven't been posting at all) but that's a topic for a different post. It's really late, and I shouldn't be awake right now.
I've got lots of homework to do tomorrow.
Oh, before I go, I think I'll leave you with this song. It's absolutely beautiful, and it's by one of my favorite bands on the planet.
Goodnight, everyone.
Happy awesomeness (hey, whatever, it works).

Until next time,

Friday, October 12, 2012

Two strange, ominous questions.

Hello, all.
I'm posing two questions to all of you who read. These questions have been on my mind a lot lately, and I wanted to share them somewhere.

We all have certain "faces" we put on for others. We act a certain way around our teachers, which is different from the way we act around our parents, which is different from the way we act around our friends. We have a different mask we wear around everyone. If that is so, who are we? When are we ourselves, in the context of social relations? How can we judge who we are?

Which leads to the second, a similar question:
We all dance on the strings of others, to an extent, at least. We all have certain expectations that others put on us, whether they be to achieve a high standard, to have good grades, behave a certain way, wear a certain mask. Our parents, our teachers, our friends all expect us to act a certain way.
What then, would happen if we were to fail to live up to those expectations?

For those of you who don't know me, I'm an overachiever and a perfectionist. I always set the bar really high for myself. And thus, other peoples' expectations can tend to be very high. And when I fail to live up to them, as is inevitable, some of them tend to be very disappointed in me. As of now, I'm a (nearly) straight-A student (curse you physics I) and a respectful, obedient, responsible son, and a (relatively) good example to my siblings. Today, I speculated something. What if everything were to fall apart? What if I were to collapse into drug or alcohol addiction? Who would still be here for me? Who would still care? Who would still like me? I can think of very few people in my life who would still love me and talk to me if I went that far off the edge. If I failed to live up to those expectations. But then, they're also people who know me for who I am and don't pressure me with expectations. I guess that's how you find out who your true friends are, right?

Anyway, those are my two questions. Answer them or don't, it's up to you.
They're just things that have been on my mind over the past week or so, and I needed somewhere to write it, so hey, my blog works, right?

See you guys later,

Friday, August 31, 2012

Happy Birthday to me!

It's my birthday, folks.
You know what that means?
Yep, I've made it through my childhood, and I am now a legal adult.
Needless to say, I am more than a little bit psyched.
Technically, I've been an adult since I entered college, but now the world finally recognizes me as a fledgling in the human species, spreading his wings and entering the world with serene grace... or maybe tripping over a few vines and sticks on the way, but you know. Still the same destination. Still that independence. I'm not completely independent yet, of course. I still live with my parents and will for a while. But hopefully, if I can get a decent scholarship, I'll be able to move out into a dorm, and that would be awesome.

I kinda wanna get out of here. I love my family and all, but seriously, I do.
One of the biggest reasons is personal space. So, you assume that a big family means big house to put all of them in, right?
Umm... no.
Try two-and-a-half bedrooms, one bathroom, a living room, a dining room, a kitchen, a basement, and a garage. All of which are packed to the point of bursting with all of our belongings. The belongings of eight people.
Yeah. If you saw our house, you'd see a mess.

Here's a breakdown of living arrangements.

TheBruiser, Patar, and I all share one of the bedrooms. They have seventy-five percent of the space, and pretty much live in there. I have a small corner, which, despite the rules I set about it, still manages to collect a lot of their toys, particularly when their section of the room is dirty. Aside from that, I have my bed. And that's it. Again, they both live in the room, so I can't shut the door for two seconds without someone banging on it, inquiring permission to enter because Lego Aragorn in in there and he needs to come out, or they want to play with something. Or something else.
Personally, I think Lego Lord Of The Rings is a desecration of a fine piece of literature, but that's another story.

Banana and Boo live in the other bedroom. Banana has a pretty good grip on the room, so she lives in it more than Boo. Boo usually comes into my room to play with the boys.

As for the parents, Mom lives in the half-bedroom, and Dad in the basement.

So, that's about it.
Basically, I have absolutely no personal space in the house whatsoever, save for a bunk-bed, and a sunken chair in the living room that houses my computer, which I am using at this moment.
If I want personal space, I need to leave the house. If I want to be able to relax outside the house, without people calling the cops on me or staring at me, I need to walk far away. Find a park or something. 'Cause this is New England. People do not tolerate other people standing across the street staring at city lights at eight PM on an Autumn night. Because, for all they know, I could be a stalker. A serial killer. A beastie who goes bump in the night.
So, yeah, I'm really looking forward to moving out. I love my family, but I do wanna move out.

Anyway, so concludes my post. I'm going to my grandparents' house on Sunday, and their having a birthday party for me. I'm pretty happy.
I'll probably post about it sometime when I don't have school.

See you all later!

Monday, August 27, 2012

In regards to the inaptly titled last post....

Oh crap. I just realized that the post prior to the last one, the one entitled "Finally" is the shortest post in the history of this blog.
Epic fail. Oh well.
Since you're kind enough to read, enjoy this beautiful, passionate, amazing, uplifting song.
PelleK is officially one of my all-time favorite singers on the planet. ON THE #$%@ING PLANET!

Shortest post in the history of this blog.



Thursday, July 26, 2012


Alright blogger, what did you do with my profile picture?
What do you mean it's invalid?!
And why won't you let me upload another one?!
Sigh.... Curse you, Blogger, curse you....

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Another brief update on my life

Generic title, I know.
I said brief so I won't be on here too long.
Well, my two-week summer vacation is over. I've gotten back into school for Physics I. I did Calculus I for the first summer semester. It went pretty well. I had the one math teacher with decent social skills. It was really cool. He made calculus derive me a little less crazy by integrating a bit of humor here and there in a way that didn't limit my acquisition of knowledge at all.
Those of you who are familiar with calculus are probably rolling your eyes right now.
Anyway, the professor for physics, or as he, in his glorious Indian accent, calls it, the Physic, is not as great, and is constantly reminding us that, when we do the physic, we must always measure in meter, and must not do mistake. Good engineering students do not do mistake.
...yeah, all of those are things he says. Direct quotes.
That is not why he's not all that great, though. I absolutely LOVE most accents. Most. New England accents, especially when spoken by loud-mouthed, opinionated, cigarette-toting middle-aged people at the bus stop, can be quite obnoxious.
But anyway, this professor doesn't really outline his expectations of the student all that well (aside from a very simple "study a lot"), and, being of higher intelligence, often fails to do out some of the more simple parts of the problem, having assumed that we can all do it in our heads. And it's an accelerated course, so we're learning everything in five weeks, and at two classes per week, that means that we have approximately ten classes with him to learn all of Physics I. Yeah.... Crazy. And to top it off, he's the head of the engineering department. So that means I've gotta impress him, 'cause he's the one writing the recommendations to the big engineering schools.
He also, as is expected of an engineering professor, gives no partial credit. Makes sense. In engineering world, one millimeter off means BOOM! people die.
That makes things a little harder for me. I'm a complete and total perfectionist, so not only do I have to deal with my own perfectionism, I have to deal with the standards of the class. In other words, I not only have to deal with pressures from myself, I have to deal with pressures from my instructor, so I'm under double the pressure.
Most of you probably don't get that. Those of you who are obsessive perfectionists are probably nodding your heads right now. Yeah. You guys get it.
It's a very difficult thing to live with. Basically, everything I do needs to be perfect. If it's not perfect, it's disgraceful. And I mean that. Let's just put it this way: I've improved over the years; I'm not as bad as I used to be; that being said, an A- is disappointing, but when it comes down to it, it's an acceptable grade. An acceptable grade. Anything lower than that....
No, it's not a rational way of thinking. But it's not gonna go away any time soon. It's the way my brain's wired.
Anyway... aside from that, I've almost finished one of my songs, and I think I'm actually gonna finish this one. I've just gotta finish writing the string section, and practice the melody a little bit. The octave leap in the chorus is kinda hard to pull off, but I'll manage.
I've been writing a lot more soft rock, lately. I might have mentioned that earlier, but I don't remember. Eh, I don't feel like checking. Whatever.

I've started listening to Boys Like Girls and Evans|Blue. Both are excellent bands. Boys Like Girls are kind of pop-rock, emo-ish music (correct me if I'm wrong -- I don't really know how to place their genre), and Evans|Blue is more along the lines of alternative rock.
For those of you who want to know what these bands sound like, here are a few of their songs. I figure I'll post one better-known song and one of my personal favorites.
Here's Boys Like Girls.

Here's one of my favorites. This one gets a little bit profane at the bridge.

And here's Evans|Blue. This gets profane at one part too. But the song is absolutely amazing.

I don't really know how well these guys charted, so I don't know if you've heard any of their songs on the radio. But this one was one of their singles. I just put up the acoustic version, because it's absolutely beautiful. Both versions are amazing, but I felt like posting this one.

Anyway, what else in the way of news....
Well, I asked someone out for the first time in my life a few weeks ago.
So what if I'm seventeen? Yeah, it's maybe a bit late for the first time by comparison to most teenage boys, but I wouldn't have it any other way. At least I'm decently mature.
Unfortunately, after I did (and she accepted) I realized that my ability to contribute to a decent romantic relationship is nonexistent. Just my luck, I guess. Sigh... oh well.
I'm single again, and everything's fine between the two of us.
So now I am, as my friend Adam puts it, "Forever Alone by Choice."

"So, T-WAC, how's your love life?"
*Laughs* "Love life? What love life?"

Y'know what? I do have a love life.
And this is what it looks like!

This version is done in another language.
At the end of the English version, one of the penguins comments "Well, this sucks."

Anyway, I should probably get back to studying vectors, which would be fun if I actually had more time. Grr.... Curse you, accelerated courses.
Oh well.
I know this was supposed to be brief, but whatever. It is what it is.

Everything's been slowly but surely getting better and better at my end, and that's gonna continue. If it's not, I'm gonna make it continue. Because I am that awesome. LOL.


Friday, May 18, 2012

The thirty... um... uh... I don't know.... song challenge. A new take on things! MUHUHAHAHA!

Hello, and welcome again to my epic life!
So, remember that thirty-day song challenge that I never finished?
Yeah, I got up to what, the twenty-fourth day?
Well, I decided that I'm going to finish it. But not in the way that you're expecting. You see, my musical tastes have changed dramatically since last year, so I figure I'll just go on and start over.
But here's where the difference lies. I will finish them all... IN ONE POST!
That's right people, it's the thirty-day song challenge... IN ONE POST!
I figure hey, what the heck, right?
So what is this, really. Thirty... minute? No... probably not. Thirty... second? No, too short. I have no idea.
Okay, so here's the list:
Day 01 – Your favorite song
Day 02 – Your least favorite song
Day 03 – A song that makes you happy
Day 04 – A song that makes you sad
Day 05 – A song that reminds you of someone
Day 06 – A song that reminds of you of somewhere
Day 07 – A song that reminds you of a certain event
Day 08 – A song that you know all the words to
Day 09 – A song that you can dance to
Day 10 – A song that makes you fall asleep
Day 11 – A song from your favorite band
Day 12 – A song from a band you hate
Day 13 – A song that is a guilty pleasure
Day 14 – A song that no one would expect you to love
Day 15 – A song that describes you
Day 16 – A song that you used to love but now hate
Day 17 – A song that you hear often on the radio
Day 18 – A song that you wish you heard on the radio
Day 19 – A song from your favorite album
Day 20 – A song that you listen to when you’re angry
Day 21 – A song that you listen to when you’re happy
Day 22 – A song that you listen to when you’re sad
Day 23 – A song that you want to play at your wedding
Day 24 – A song that you want to play at your funeral
Day 25 – A song that makes you laugh
Day 26 – A song that you can play on an instrument
Day 27 – A song that you wish you could play
Day 28 – A song that makes you feel guilty
Day 29 – A song from your childhood
Day 30 – Your favorite song at this time last year

Ready? Let's begin!
Day 1: My favorite song... that's actually pretty hard right now. I don't really have a definite favorite song at this moment. Things have completely knocked me off my rocker. Let me think....
Favorite song has to be.... "Elemental" by Tears For Fears.
This song is really complex, and it's really cool.

Day 2: My least favorite song. This one's pretty hard, 'cause I've heard some abominations over the past year or so. Y'know what? There are two. Both by one person by name of Jenna Rose. Worst songs ever.
First one is "My Jeans".

The second one is "OMG".

Seriously, honey? Look, just 'cause your daddy has alot of money and can afford to pay for you to make a music video for a jumbled mess you wrote about how good you look that you call lyrics and then pay some mediocre songwriter to write backing tracks for it and autotune your voice to... well, I won't say where....
Seriously, that doesn't make you an artist. Until some blood goes into it, that's not art. That's... I don't even know. Bragging, maybe?

Day 3: A song that makes me happy. Hmm....
This one. This works. Tears for Fears is awesome!

Day 4: A song that makes me sad. Too easy. Even though this has a happy ending, the situation is awful. I remember a friend of mine showed this to me, and I didn't get it. And then something happened that changed things for me, and all of a sudden, I did. And now, sometimes, I can't even listen to it.
"The Way She Feels" by Between The Trees. Some things just go too deep.

Day 5: A song that reminds me of someone. Hmm....
"Go" by Boys Like Girls. It reminds me of my friend Shannon. In fact, the entire "Love Drunk" album makes me think of my friend Shannon. No, not my sister Shannon, my friend Shannon. This is one of her favorite songs.

Day 6: A song that reminds me of somewhere. I'd have to say "Harbor Town" by Icehouse. They're an Austrailian rock band I used to be really really into back when I was thirteen. And when I was thirteen, I was sent by myself to Colorado on a plane to visit my grandparents. It was pretty cool. Anyway, I listened to this song and then entire "Code Blue" album while I was there. So now it makes me think of Colorado.

Day 7: A song that makes me think of a certain event. Another one that's too easy. I'm sure that you all remember from the last thirty-day song challenge I did, the bit of a tangent I went off on about the fourth of July celebration? Yeah, this song makes me think of that. It had to be the most fun I've had in my life. But then, with the people I was hanging out with, that's not hard to imagine, LOL!
"Party Rock Anthem" by LMFAO. This was the first time I'd ever heard it. Yeah, that's how out of touch I am.

Day 8: A song that I know all the words to. OH SO MANY! I know the words to so many it's not even funny. Let me think... if I had to pull one out of a hat, that one would be....
This one. "Going Under" by Evanescence. I love this song.

Day 9: A song that I can dance to. It's very difficult to pick just one, because I can dance to anything that top40 radio throws at me. I mean, you don't dance to gothic metal.
If I had to pick one, though, I'd probably pick this one: "Sexy And I Know It" by LMFAO. I have a t-shirt with this on it. It's one of my favorite t-shirts ever. The lyrical matter gets a little iffy, but y'know. It's LMFAO. It's what you expect from those guys, LOL.

Day 10: A song that makes me fall asleep. I don't fall asleep to songs normally, unless I'm stressed and I put on one of my favorite albums (usually Nickelback or Tears For Fears) and fall asleep to that for an hour before starting my homework. However, I do have one song that is really really calming. It's the first song that I ever sang to my baby brother. Yes, I have sung to my baby brother. "Famous Last Words" by Tears For Fears.

Day 11: A song from my favorite band. Hmm.... That would be somewhere between Tears For Fears, Nightwish, Evanescence, H.I.M, and We Are The Fallen.
I think I'll do We Are The Fallen.
"Burn". This is one of my all-time favorites by them. A masterpiece.

Day 12: A song by a band I hate. I'm gonna change the word band and put in artist, so this'll work.
"Boyfriend" by Justin Beiber. Need I say more?

Day 13: A song that is a guilty pleasure. Again, too easy. Well, it's only a guilty pleasure if other people (namely my parents) are also listening, due to the subject matter and the use of profanity.
But I still listen to it because, despite how profane it is and the subject matter, it's a work of art. The first time I heard it, I was dumbfounded by the thought that anything could be this grotesque and sick. And then I heard it again, and realized how good the song was (musically, of course). Here it is. "A Little Piece Of Heaven" by Avenged Sevenfold.

Day 14: A song no one would expect me to love. Hmm.... Tricky....
I listen to pretty much everything. It's hard to pick one that people wouldn't expect me to love....
Y'know what? I think I know. "Die By The Drop" by The Dead Weather. It's very... I don't know... noisy. It's not all that musical compared to other stuff I listen to. But it's a good song.

Day 15: A song that describes me. Too easy, again.
I've been beaten down alot lately, and dragged through the mud. But I've forced myself to keep going. And now recovery's in my grasp. We are the ones. We get knocked down. We get back up and stand above the crowd. We are one.
"One-X" by Three Days Grace.

Day 16: A song I used to love, but now hate. Hmm.... That's really hard....
There are really no songs that I used to love, but now absolutely despise. But there are some that I have lost interest in over the years. "Why Does This Always Happen To Me" by Weird Al Yankovic is one of these.

Day 17: A song I hear often on the radio. Man, these just seem to alternate between really easy and really hard ones. This is an easy one.
"Glad You Came" by The Wanted.

Day 18: A song I wish I heard on the radio. Well, I wish I heard this more often anyway. I've heard it on the radio maybe once or so, but hearing this on the radio more often would be so cool.
"What You Want" by Evanescence.

Day 19: A song from my favorite album. Hmm... I have many favorite albums. I suppose this one is as good as any, though. "Ghost River" by Nightwish, from their album Imaginaerum.

Day 20: A song that I listen to when I'm angry. I find I listen to alot of stuff when I'm angry, especially when I'm coming home from school. I'll just plug in my earphones and listen to something just really... ticked off-ish. This is one of those. "Fire" by Lacuna Coil.

Day 21: A song that I listen to when I'm happy. This may sound odd. But when I'm in the best of my emotional states, I listen to really dark, creepy music. So, if I'm listening to something really creepy, that's a good thing. It means that I'm happy. Or at least in a good state emotionally. That being said, I haven't been listening to alot of creepy stuff lately. But I'm regaining my taste for it.
Here's "Sweet Sacrifice" by Evanescence.

Day 22: A song I listen to when I'm sad. Normally, when I'm in a bad emotional state, depressed or whatever, I tend to listen to lighter, happier-sounding music. Because some of the darker-sounding music is about stuff I've been through, and that brings stuff back, which effectively ruins my day. Yeah. Ick.
Here's one of such songs. "Sowing The Seeds Of Love" by Tears For Fears.

Day 23: A song I want played at my wedding. Hmm.... My wedding.... This is tough.
Bingo. Got one. "Two Is Better Than One" by Boys Like Girls featuring Taylor Swift.

Day 24: A song I want played at my funeral. "Home" by Daughtry. Simple as that.

Day 25: A song that makes me laugh. There aren't many songs that make me laugh. But there are the few that do. This is one of them. "I'm On A Boat" by The Lonely Island. This one can also fit under my guilty pleasures because it's really really profane. But it's so rediculous that I need to laugh. Because it's funny. The profanities are horrendous, but it is funny. To me, anyway.

This one censors out most of the profanities. Most of them.

Day 26: A song that I can play on an instrument. As you all know, I'm a pianist, and I've taken six years of lessons, but have been playing for seven years. A while ago, I decided that I would learn "Lost in Paradise" by Evanescence. Now, normally, when I try to learn stuff by ear, it doesn't turn out all that well, but this one actually worked fine. I was going to perform it at my school's talent show a while back, but the talent show ended up being cancelled. Oh well.... Here it is.
Day 27: A song that I wish I could play. Well, there aren't many. I'll tell you that. Pretty much everything I could ever want is within my grasp. But there are still certain songs that just continue to elude me. This is one of them. "Frozen" by Within Temptation. Not all of it is on the piano, but I could adapt the rest.
Day 28: A song that makes me feel guilty. Hmm.... I don't know. I really don't have any. I guess that the only ones that come close are the ones where I love the music, but then the lyrics are just so misogynistic. Nickelback's done a few of those. One of those is "Shakin' Hands". The lyrics are highly misogynistic, and a bit profane in places. You have been warned.

Day 29: A song from my childhood.
Oh this'll be fun. I think I'll post a few. Banana and I grew up to the Tank Girl soundtrack, which was a collection of '90s alternative, some of which was less than polite. Mom stopped playing it when her seven-year-old son and her five-year-old daughter started picking up the lyrics. I'll post three. The first is "Shove" by L7. Let me tell you, Banana would not go to sleep unless she was rocked back and forth with this song blasting through the room. No, I'm not joking. I'm being serious. It gets a bit profane in places.

Here's "Girl U Want" by Devo.

And finally, here's "Let's Do It" by Joan Jett and Paul Westerburg. By far the most impolite of the three.

So, this is what I grew up with. So if you're all wondering why I'm so weird, the answer's right here, LOL!


Day 30: My favorite song at this time last year. Hmm.... That had to be "Tear The World Down" by We Are The Fallen. It is still one of my all-time favorite songs. It's really amazing and powerful and moving. There are not many songs that can influence how I feel as strongly as this one. One of the songs that are grandios enough to be called epic.

Anyway, that's all, folks. And I have succeeded in staying up far later than I intended. Again. Sigh....
Anyway, comment to me what you think. What you liked, what you didn't like, what stuck with you....
Who knows? Maybe you'll find something you like here.

Until next time....

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

ME. A belated halloween story. Some miscelanious updates.

This. Right here. Is me. It's from mid-October last year. I was barely seventeen. But this is me.
You knew the name. And now you know the face.
Come to think of it, I think I may have posted a picture way, way back in my blogging history, back last February. Sledding, I believe it was.
I was sixteen back then. So now you have another picture of my beautiful face. Just kidding, I'm not that narcisistic.
This was a halloween costume. I know it's a little bit late for a post on halloween last year, but hey, I was so caught up in everything that was going on, I didn't even think about it.
Anyway, this right here is the psychic awesomeness of EPIC MAN! That's right, EPIC MAN! Every time you see that name, you should hear the big, deep, echoey (is that a word?) voice announcing it like he would any other super hero. Take a moment. Just read the name. EPIC MAN! Hear the voice. EPIC MAN! Are you feeling it? I sure am. Oh yeah.
It's kinda funny how mild-mannered T-WAC became the Impecably Immimicable EPIC MAN! You see, there was a halloween party going on at my friend Harpo's house. We were all going, and though it was geared towards the younger kids, my bromie (that's right, brother and homie together in one word -- I have that much nerve) was gonna be there, and we would probably watch some TV, play some video games, eat some food, while the kids did their thing. Y'know, what kids do at parties. Or I could spend a while massaging the keys of his families cruelly neglected piano (which, in the end, I ended up doing).
Back to the story. I found myself without a costume. I didn't have my Gothic Leprechuan costume together, and I wasn't entirely sure what to do. And what does a teenager do with three minutes to spare before the car leaves? Says whatever and goes without a costume. But what does stubborn T-WAC do with three minutes to spare before the car leaves? There was no way I was going without a costume. I dug through my dresser and my closet, picking up anything that I thought could possibly work in a costume. I found a green cape with a hood that mom had made for me when I was thirteen, a red wig that I had used for a costume back at age ten (Durza the shade from Eragon -- Savanna, you remember that? How Adam saw me coming and flipped out? LOL), a pilot jacket (I don't know if that's the name of it, but when I was four, I distinctly remember seeing a picture of Charles Lindburg wearing one, and it's been a pilot jacket ever since), and a random tie I found. I never wear ties if I can at all help it, and I have very little practice actually tying them, so I figured it would be a nice addition.
Anyway, when we got there, I had mixed responses. The two most notable were that of my bromie, Harpo, and that of Harpo's brother's friend.
Harpo's reaction -- well, those of you who know him should have already guessed it. He looked at me, shook his head, and took some pizza off of the food table. He might have commented something along the lines of "You are so weird," before ignoring my apparel completely.
Harpo's brother's friends reaction was to inform me that I was not at all epic. But no one can say that to EPIC MAN! I hastily informed him that he was wrong, and that I was indeed epic. He argued, but his arguments were futile. He could not convince me that I was not epic, but he was unaware of that and continued to try. Ten-year-old boys.... Sigh....

Anyway, I take this moment to introduce to you Twister, my new younger brother, who was born on Saturday at 2:22 AM. Let me tell you, he is absolutely adorable. He's also extremely active. He was trying to roll over an hour after he was born. That's some crazy stuff. His eyes are very bright too. He's gonna be a handful once he gets older. Good thing Mom has all of us to help out.
So, the lineup is me, then Banana, then Boo, then TheBruiser, then Patar, then Twister.
I love my crazy family.

Okay, remember how I told you a bunch of posts back that I was getting better? Well, I though I was, but in actuality, I wasn't. I am proud to say, however that now, I am actually getting better. I got myself into a crazy situation, but thank God it's over now. It didn't end the way I wanted at all, though. But y'know, I just had to realize that letting go was the only way I could find peace.
Yeah, it's left me with some issues to deal with, but I'm gonna take care of 'em, 'cause that's who I am. I'm gonna take these on, and once I've eliminated them, I'm gonna be re-entering the dating world. Ish.
There are not many girls that have what I'm looking for. So, I'm gonna be open to dating, but not nessesarily looking. I want a strongly Catholic girl who is independent and shares, to an extent, at least, my passion for music. I want someone who loves me because she wants to. I want someone who loves me for who I am, because, let me tell you, if she doesn't, I'm gonna drive her insane. Of course, I'll also have to be crazy about who she is too. These criteria really limit my search down alot. She'll also have to be patient, 'cause I'm not one of those "kiss on the first date" kind of guys. Thanks but no thanks, too much emotional commitment too fast.
So, if someone by chance happens to fit those criteria, that's really cool. If not, then my fears are confirmed, and after four years of denial, I'll find myself stuck in a seminary. VOW OF CHASTITY, FOR THE WIN!

I started taking voice lessons a few weeks ago. My teacher gives you a choice as it comes to material. We get to perform three songs at the recital: one is a pop/rock/mainstream/alternative/whatever piece -- y'know, anything contemporary; one is classical; and one is pretty much whatever.
My contemporary piece is "Everybody Wants To Rule The World" by Tears For Fears. Because I can. I like that song.
My classical piece, which I just picked out today, is "Quella Fiamma" or something like that.
My whatever piece is "This Is The Moment" from Jeckle and Hyde.
So, I'm gonna be learning those and then performing at a recital! YAAY!

I've been writing some new songs lately, and I'm psyched. I'm expanding my style to include, of all things, soft rock. I didn't try to include that. I just wrote it. Odd, the way that happens. I thought that I did gothic rock, but I'm not entirely sure now. I pretty much write whatever I write.

Speaking of musical shtuffs, you have to check out this song. It's amazing. It's a beautiful duet, and if I knew a girl who liked Tears For Fears who had a decent singing voice, I would love to do this as a duet.

...okay, is it going to put in this video or what?

Why isn't this working!
...There we go. I don't know why it decided to place it at the top of the post. Weird internet stuff. Oh well. I love this song. I would love to sing this as a duet. It would be more than amazing, and would absolutely make my day.

Anyway, I've been up way too late, and I should definitely go to bed.
1:00 AM bedtime and 10:00 AM mornings are not particularly healthy, especially not for a college student who needs to get accustomed to waking up at 6:00 AM for, oh, I don't know, next week. Summer Calculus. Fun. I have to sit through a three hour math class, three days a week. I can barely tolerate an hour-long math class. At the end, I'm ready to kill something. And what's worse, this is a five week course. Smushing all the calc crud into a third of the time it normally takes for a semester. Yeah. Crazy.
With some hard work, though, I should be able to make it through. It's gonna be hard, but I'll do it. And by make it through, I mean pull off an A. Yeah. Gotta love perfectionism.
Well, I managed to pull off A's this semester, despite all of the crap I was going through. It was hard, but I managed it. And hey, if I can make it through this and remain strong, I can make it anywhere.
God's done alot for me. More than I give Him credit for, I think. When it all comes down to it, He's the only reason I'm sane right now. He's the only reason I'm recovering.
Speaking of such things....
A few days ago, after church, an older woman walked up to me. She's known me since I moved here back when I was four. I was called the "Sign of Peace boy." But that's a story for a different post.
Anyway, she told me that she prayed for me, and that God a special plan for me.
Now, I know that God has a special plan for everybody, no matter who they are, what creed, etc. You've just gotta accept that and tell him you're ready. But it was something that I'd kinda forgotten. He does have a plan for everybody, I know that, but I discounted the fact that he has a plan specifically for me. Me with my skill set, with my strengths and my weaknesses. A role only I can fill. That's true for everyone, but still. That's really cool. It shows that despite how my last attempt at making a change in someone failed horribly (through no fault of my own or that person's own, but still), there's something that I can succeed at that God means me to do. And that means alot to me. I have a purpose.
Me and all of my mule-like stubbornness.

Anyway, I meant to get to bed half and hour ago. I should be sleeping right now. I got about six-and-a-half hours of sleep last night.
Goodnight all.


Saturday, April 14, 2012

A brief note to some friends

Just some words to some of my friends....

Savanna: Hey, I just wanted to say, thanks for being here. You're someone I can talk to about anything. I do feel kinda bad about getting you this far into my situation. But thanks for bearing with me. You rock.

Harpo: Yo, dude, wassup? Man, I know you're probably not going to get to see this, given that you don't know that I have a blog. Or do you? I don't really remember. Anyway, we used to hang out all the time, and we haven't for a while. DUDE, WE NEED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND DO STUFF! Seriously, you need some sunlight. Stay inside much longer and then you'll start to sparkle when you go out! LOL. Or develop a serious aversion or whatever. Oh, and if you ever wanna talk about stuff, I'm here to listen. I mean, dude, you're my homie! Oh, and one more thing... YYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!

Shannon: You're probably not gonna read this either. But hey. I'm writing it anyway. You inspire me in many ways. When I was curled up in my little shell because of social anxiety, you dragged me kicking and screaming out of it, and you didn't give up on me. That's just one of the little things that makes you so awesome. You're one of a kind, as cliche as that sounds, and I've never met anyone else like you. You so totally rock!

Adam: Hey, dude. I know that I haven't exactly been... right... lately, but I'm getting better. We do need to hang out. I've got two weeks free at the end of the semester, though you're probably not going to read this anyway, given that I never told you that I have a blog. Oh well. But seriously, you're a really cool dude, and you probably don't realize that, but to be honest, it takes a certain kind of person to be "cool" in my eyes. You're one of very few. Rock on.

Rebecca: I think you read this, but I don't really remember. But you're the one who, when the whole world is telling me to rely on my own knowledge and understanding, tells me to trust in God. 'Cause God's who I need most right now. You really understand what it means to trust and to have faith, and that's admirable. God bless. :)

Adam: Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudddddddddddddddeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
What happened, man? We need to start hanging out again, bro!
Oh, and your resemblance to Harpo is scary! We should totally do something. Hang out somewhere. Do crazy stuff. Oh, and how's your wife doing? LOL.
Oh wait... you won't be reading this. You don't know I have a blog either.

Laurinda: ....We've been through alot together in the past six months. Alot more than most people go through during six months. Just so you know, and pardon my use of a profane expression, I wouldn't still be here right now if I didn't care about you one hell of alot. I know it doesn't always seem that way, but know that I'm having just as many mixed feelings as you are right now. Feelings make things so illogical; they'll tell me one thing one day, and then something completely different a different day, and then I end up wanting to beat my head against a wall. Except not literally. LOL.
Aside from that, you get me better than anyone else, and you can read me like a book, which is so annoying, and that kind of balances out the fact I can read you just as easily. I mean, you know what's wrong before I know what's wrong, and that scares me. I also really enjoy talking to a fellow student who's technically too young for college, LOL. Seriously, you get everything. Being the oldest in a big family, being above average intelligence, all of that. And that's really cool.
I could take much longer to write something out, but let's just condense it a bit.
You're awesome.
And I am right.
I am always right.

Alyssa: You're another below-college-age student. Well, technically, not anymore. And you probably won't be reading this either. But I'm just gonna say it anyway. You are a cool person. I'm glad that I started talking to you last semester. You're alot of fun to talk to, and you're a very interesting person. I'm looking forward to having calculus and physics with you over the summer, and to having classes with you next semester. That'll be cool. I'll know somebody in my class!

Shannon: You're my sister, and there's not much that you don't already know. But hey, I can always talk to you or hang out with you, which is really cool. We've been through a black belt test together, come from the same man and woman, and were raised in the same family. Somewhere along the way, we've gotta develop a deep closeness. I love you, Banana.

I don't know why I wrote these. Half of you probably won't ever see them. But hey, whatever. It works.
Until next time,


Do Not Eat the Fairy Poodle!

Do Not Eat the Fairy Poodle!