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"Home is not places, it is love." -- "Home Is Not Places" by The Apache Relay

Fairy Poodle

Fairy Poodle

My Thoughts

Sing loudly, passionately, with all your heart, for you've nothing to lose.

Friday, December 23, 2011

School is OVER!

Hey everyone!
School is over!
I'm so psyched!
I've gotten an A in all four of my classes!
I'm so happy!
Yeah, I was determined to keep my GPA up this year. And why? Well, it started when I met with the honors coordinator last spring.
We talked about my joining the honors program, and she looked over my mid-terms for that semester. I had all A's for midterms, and she made a comment about my GPA to the effect of "Well, that's not going to last long."
With those words, she unknowingly issued me a challenge. I decided that, for the next semester, I would maintain a high GPA, aka, get all A's. And I would. I knew I would. And I did. And I'm doing it next semester too. I'll see how long I can prove her wrong, one semester at a time.

So, that's been what's going on.
Oh, and in relation to my last post, I am slowly but surely recovering. I am getting better, and I'm starting to get everything back on track. It's a slow process, but I'm getting better.
It's weird. I've found that I have good days, and then I have depressed days. And for the most part, they're good, unless something triggers me, and then I'm depressed. That's another weird thing. It always requires a trigger. I'll never just wake up depressed. Something will have to trigger its onset.
But I'll be fine. Like I said, I am getting better. And I will make myself better, simply because I have the power to choose to make myself better.
One of the most important things that I have learned is that God isn't going to force himself on you. He's always there, you just have to choose him.
I have the power to choose to let God in, to choose to let Him heal me. And no matter how much it hurts, He gave me the strength to choose Him.
He gave me the strength that I need for anything He wants me to.
And I am choosing to let him in, and to let him heal me.

And speaking of such things....
I'm gonna have to pray about it more, but all of a sudden within the past few months, I've wanted nothing more than to get out of the house. I've set my eye on a college called Embry Riddle Aeronautical University. It's an aeronautical engineering school, and that's the field that I wanna get into. It doesn't have a music program, but there's a community college nearby that offers a music program, and if I can graduate from there and get a bachelor's in aeronautical engineering at the same time, I should be able to go into a graduate program at Embry Riddle, and then, if I have time, I should be able to get a scholarship to a music college, and then get a music degree. That would be so cool.
I have no idea how I'm gonna do it, but I'm gonna do it in some way. I don't care what it takes, if it's God's will, it's gonna happen.
Anyway, Embry Riddle is all the way out in Arizona.
That's right, Arizona.
Kinda far away, and I would miss everyone I met here. I grew up here for most of my life.

On a happier note, I listened to Imaginaerum by Nightwish! It's their new album that's being released in the U.S. on January 10th (I think), 2012. I am so going to buy it on it's release date. It is AMAZING!
The diversity, the orchestration, everything about it is RIGHTEOUS!
Here's one of my personal favorites (if I can choose one):
I will say, there is a little bit of iffy lyrical content (not profane, but iffy).
And I'm normally not a fan of screaming, but in this song, it really enhances the feel and the emotion that is being communicated. It's awesome.

Oh, and I've started to learn "Lost In Paradise" by Evanescence on the piano. I'm pretty much learning it by ear, since there is no sheet music. In the beginning, it's pretty simple, though towards the middle, it gets hard to hear the piano over the other instruments.

Oh, and I've also started playing World Of Warcraft! Since it's free to play until level 20, I decided to try it out. It's pretty cool. The score for it is amazing.
There were two problems I found, however.
1. The clock was an hour behind. So, when it said that it was 11:00, I thought "Okay, time to shut it off." Little did I realize that it was 12:00, meaning that I had stayed up an hour later than I meant to. And that brings us to....
2. I spent half an hour looking for the "logout" button. I honestly clicked every icon I could find, and would have asked other players for help, had I been able to find them. Finally, I pressed the ESC key, and that brought up the menu. Of course, by then it was 12:30, an hour and a half later than I had meant to be up.

Anyway, it's Boo's birthday tomorrow. For those of you who don't know, Boo is the younger of my two sisters, and she will be turning 12. I'm really psyched!
Yes, I use different names for my siblings. Because I am a paranoid lunatic and don't want you to know their names, just like I don't want you to know mine. But most of you already do, so it's kinda dumb to take that precaution....
For those of you who don't know, here's my family:

Banana: The oldest of my younger siblings, 15 years old, and one of my best friends on the planet. She pretty much likes exactly the same music that I do, and that is so cool.
Boo: The next oldest, soon to be 12. She's either an angel or a devil (that's right, no in between), she loves randomly hugging people, and basically, the our house could explode, and she'd still be sitting there doodling.
The Bruiser: The next oldest, turning 11 in February. He's your typical rough-and-tumble boy, but with a talent for music. He only started flute lessons a few months ago, and already he's figuring out how to play various songs that he's heard. He does amaze me.
Patar: The youngest, age seven. Also really talented with music. He'll watch me play something on the piano with my right hand, I'll leave the room, and by the time I get back, he'll have figured it out from what he saw me do. He also has my musical tastes, and is a huge fan of Nightwish. It's funny, when I was his age, I was listening to kids music and classical. He's listening to metal and rock.
And finally....
"What?" you say. "I thought there was only four of them!"
Some of you already know this, but my mom's pregnant, and we have a new baby due in May!
I am so happy!
I'll have to figure out a name for him/her too....

Anyway, it's really late, and after last night, which was spent largely killing Wreched Urchins, Arcane Guardians, and some kind of weird hideous treebeast, I need to get to bed.
Oh, and since I probably won't be posting for a while....


Thank you, thank you, I can see you appreciated my oh-so-generic christmas greeting.
Life is good.

See you all later,

Wednesday, December 7, 2011


Hey, all.

.... I've changed. Plain and simple. Not gonna beat around the bush, not gonna say something humorous. Yet, anyway.
But I've changed.
And one of my close friends helped me realize exactly how drastic this change was today. You know who you are, and I can't even begin to describe how much this has done for me.

Alot's happened lately.
Between school, my social life, and everything else.
To put it bluntly, I hurt.

It's kinda funny, when I look back at myself at the beginning of this semester, I see a happy, random, crazy, rather opinionated, loving person. But most of all, I see a child. Yeah, I'm seventeen. My age hasn't changed since then. But I was a child, taking the last few steps into adulthood.
I'm not a child anymore. I'm not an adult yet, but I'm not a child anymore.
I've borne witness to suffering and pain. I've borne witness to affliction and the costs of nievity. I've tried to give of myself to end it, and that has caused me to slowly begin to break.
I don't know what's going on, and I don't understand at all. And it's upsetting to see the effects it's been having on those I love. My mother has been very worried. The music I've been writing has been dissonant.

But I'm getting better. Slowly and surely, I'm getting better. Some of my very close friends (again, you know who you are) are helping me through this. My family is helping me through this. God is helping me through this.
Because I know that this is only temporary. It's not going to be permanent. I'm going to rise and fight. Because it's what I was born to do. I was not born to be incapacitated by sorrow and depression. I was born to live, to love. Because God never abandons his lost sheep.

"For even as I walk through the valley of death, I shall fear no evil." Or something like that. It's from psalm 23. Probably my favorite psalm.

Yeah, where I am right now is pretty Valley-Of-Death-Esque right now. I look in the mirror, into my eyes, and I see darkness. I found it curious, a few weeks ago, when I first noticed it. I found it odd, even intriguing. Yet now I recognize it as the same darkness I've seen in the eyes of many.

But I know that I'm never gonna give up. I'm not going to let myself die. If I were, I'd be letting my family, my friends, and my students down. But most of all, I'd be letting myself down. And that's ultimately the most important, because God gave me my person. And I'm not about to neglect my charge. This is my Lord's gift to me; my life, my health, my sanity.

All who suffer, all who hurt, stand with me, and we will conquer the dark together. We fight! This is not madness! THIS IS SPARTA!
Well, at least some of me is still intact. Inserting something completely random, yet related, into the sentence.

Okay, so brief synopsis: I hurt, I'm recovering, I'm not giving up.
I'd just like to ask all of you who are so inclined to please keep me in your prayers, 'cause God's the one who's gonna make the change in me.
He's the only one who can heal my soul.
He has blessed me with so much. So many wonderful friends, my family, my gifts and talents....

Anyway, I'll be back to my crazy self soon.
I just thought that I should post about the state I've been in, cause it is, after all, my blog.
And I needed to get it out anyway. I feel better now that I've put it all down in words.

There's this song that I heard a while back. It's not like me to post something like this, but it's a good song. I remember one of my mom's friends gave my mom a CD with this on it. I loved it because it was probably the coolest rock that I'd heard at the time.

Yes, I am posting something by BarlowGirl. And you know what? I don't care. It's a good song, and I just felt like posting it. Because I can.

Anyway, I'd better be getting back to my homework.
Adios, amigos!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Survey for psychology class

I can't believe I didn't think of this before!
I know that some of my readers are over eighteen.
I have a survey for my psychology class, and the data's kinda due tomorrow.
It's for my class project, and if I do a good job on it, I get an A.
Only people 18 or older can take it, so, if you are eighteen or older, I'd like to ask you to take 5-15 minutes to fill out this questionaire.
Here's the link:
Thanks again!


Do Not Eat the Fairy Poodle!

Do Not Eat the Fairy Poodle!